• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Widow's Voice

Widow's Voice

  • Soaring Spirits
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors
    • Kelley Lynn
    • Emily Vielhauer
    • Emma Pearson
    • Kathie Neff
    • Gary Ravitz
    • Victoria Helmly
    • Lisa Begin-Kruysman

Widowed Wealth of Words

Posted on: September 17, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

This week has been a huge transition in my life. I retired from my 23 year career to focus on my relationship and the business I own. I can work from anywhere which is giving me much more time to enjoy time. Of course, big transitions have change and responsibility. I’m organizing my own healthcare, retirement and tying up loose ends. I’m fully enjoying the time freedom but it will take a bit before I settle into a normal schedule.

Among the list of “to dos” was car insurance. They still hadn’t updated my address when I moved. I wanted to talk to a human and assure I had all the discounts available to me. The representative was cheerful. As we looked over my account, one detail caught my eye. They never Removed Clayton from the policy. I had asked them after he passed and was told:

“The system can take 24 hours to update.”

Well, I thought nothing else of it and forgot.

New address updated but no policy or mileage change working from home. The woman asked me if there was anything else?

“Yes. I see that Clayton is still listed on the account. He passed away over 4 years ago. I had called to have his name taken off.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that. What day did he pass?” she responded.

“April 16th, 2018.” I said clearly. That date doesn’t cause me to choke anymore when I say it.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry to hear he passed but you’ll be happy to know that taking him off the policy will save you one dollar!” she happily declared.

I was shocked that someone would follow up a sympathetic apology for loss with a happy declaration that I saved $1. I don’t know if she was on autopilot and didn’t realize, if she was heartless or if death makes her say strange things. Two years ago, that comment would have resulted in choice words back from me but my widowed growth has gifted me more patience and offering the benefit of the doubt. I’ll just assume she was very uncomfortable with the discussion and her way of “looking on the bright side” was meant well.

I didn’t let the comment dwell with me this week but today I spent time cleaning and organizing the office at home. Tucked in a drawer I hadn’t looked through in years were the sympathy cards sent to me after Clayton passed. In front of me was laid out way more value in words then just one dollar’s worth. Opening the cards didn’t upset me. They brought me the memories of all the support and love poured over me exactly when I needed it. Here I am reminded again by Grief’s gratitude that I am surrounded by an incredible amount of widowed words worth more than just one dollar…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

About Bryan Martin

In 2016 my life all started to fall into place. A new job as a Supervisor for animals at a small aquarium along the beautiful Florida gulf coast. It was a dream for Clayton and I to move to the beach, get settled and get married. In June of 2017 my father passed away after a long battle with opiods and alcohol. Four months later, Clayton was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with acute liver failure. Not having been able to truly mourn my father, I was faced with knowing that Clayton (Tin as my family calls him) would also be leaving me. I had dreams of marriage, vacations and a long life together. I watched all of those dreams fade away more and more each day as I cared for him until his final days. He passed away April 16, 2018 the day after my sister’s birthday.

Now I am through the fog of the first year and reality is setting in this second time around the sun. I’m very much alone in this sleepy beach town. I’m trying to just maintain balance with my new normal. I get depressed, angry, sad, jealous, confused and disoriented. Some days are better than others and I remind myself that it is normal. So many people think my life is back to normal and fulfilling because I work with dolphins and penguins but the magic left everything when Tin passed away. I have trouble feeling passion about most things that used to light my fire. I have feelings that oppose one another and it is exhausting. I want to feel happy for others but want to know why I can’t have what they have.

Along my journey, I have had tough days and some wonderful days but at the end of each day I still don't have the answer to my one question....Why?

TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON A BLOG, sign in to the comments section using your Facebook or Gmail accounts, or sign up for Disqus.

Primary Sidebar

Footer

Quick Links

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors

SSI Network

  • Soaring Spirits International
  • Camp Widow
  • Resilience Center
  • Soaring Spirits Gala
  • Widowed Village
  • Widowed Pen Pal Program
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

Contact Info

Soaring Spirits International
2828 Cochran St. #194
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 877-671-4071

Soaring Spirits International is a 501(c)3 Corporation EIN#: 38-3787893. Soaring Spirits International provides resources with no endorsement implied.

Copyright © 2023 Widow's Voice. All Rights Reserved.