• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Widow's Voice

Widow's Voice

  • Soaring Spirits
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors
    • Victoria Helmly
    • Staci Sulin
    • Emma Pearson
    • Alison Miller
    • Gary Ravitz
    • Kelley Lynn
    • Bryan Martin

Bryan Martin

Bryan Martin

About Bryan Martin

In 2016 my life all started to fall into place. A new job as a Supervisor for animals at a small aquarium along the beautiful Florida gulf coast. It was a dream for Clayton and I to move to the beach, get settled and get married. In June of 2017 my father passed away after a long battle with opiods and alcohol. Four months later, Clayton was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with acute liver failure. Not having been able to truly mourn my father, I was faced with knowing that Clayton (Tin as my family calls him) would also be leaving me. I had dreams of marriage, vacations and a long life together. I watched all of those dreams fade away more and more each day as I cared for him until his final days. He passed away April 16, 2018 the day after my sister’s birthday.

Now I am through the fog of the first year and reality is setting in this second time around the sun. I’m very much alone in this sleepy beach town. I’m trying to just maintain balance with my new normal. I get depressed, angry, sad, jealous, confused and disoriented. Some days are better than others and I remind myself that it is normal. So many people think my life is back to normal and fulfilling because I work with dolphins and penguins but the magic left everything when Tin passed away. I have trouble feeling passion about most things that used to light my fire. I have feelings that oppose one another and it is exhausting. I want to feel happy for others but want to know why I can’t have what they have.

Along my journey, I have had tough days and some wonderful days but at the end of each day I still don't have the answer to my one question....Why?

TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON A BLOG, sign in to the comments section using your Facebook or Gmail accounts, or sign up for Disqus.

The Escape Room

Posted on: March 6, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Part of my widowed journey is getting the opportunity to get away from home. Staying in the apartment that Clayton and I both lived has its benefits and its challenges. He hung up the art and organized the furniture. Everything here holds whispers of his style and view of interior design. I’m coming up on […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Dentist is in the Details

Posted on: February 27, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

For many who are widowed and many who suffer extreme loss and grief, the start back to “normal” is a long and winding road. Even tasks that we consider “everyday automatics” can be pushed aside or delayed. Some days it’s hard to just get out of bed let alone brush your teeth. Each thing you […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

Safety Behind Locked Doors

Posted on: February 20, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Safety. It’s the basis of all our primary needs. Safety, security and stability, when any or all of these are threatened, we go into survival mode. As someone who is widowed, these are in constant fluctuation for me. I have had calm days, stressed days and anxious days. The fear of being unsafe is something […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses, Miscellaneous

Wid-OWED

Posted on: February 13, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Wid-OWED This week has been tough. I have had conversations with probate court to try and finalize Clayton’s Will and picked up Stallone’s (our cat) ashes back from the veterinarian. Now he and Clayton sit on a bookshelf until we can figure out a funeral for them. I’m coming up on 3 years since Clayton […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Peter Pan Perspective

Posted on: February 6, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I couldn’t wait to grow up. I can distinctly remember being in 5th grade and telling myself I only had to deal with this for 7 more years and then I’d be free to fly. I’ve always been a big dreamer. At times my imagination would create beautiful worlds and outcomes of grandeur. I’d have […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Pets and People Years

Posted on: January 30, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Everyone has a set time here on this Animal Planet. When we take in a new family member, we know there are good chances we will be there for their whole life and still be here when they have moved on. It’s a normal part of life and we buffer our emotions by planning ahead […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous

Worries and Whys

Posted on: January 23, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Growing up, I suffered from severe asthma, allergies, etc. It was common for me to take medication daily. I can recall the shear panic if my wheezing started and I couldn’t find my rescue inhaler. I couldn’t do what the “normal” kids did and I was bullied, left out and judged. As I got older, […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

Under This Widowed Weight

Posted on: January 16, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Throughout caring for Clayton before he died, I felt the weight of responsibilities. The weight of being a caregiver and the weight of working full time, the weight of making sure medications were dosed and delivered on time, the weight of his comfort and the weight of emotions. Heaviest of all for me, the weight […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Upside Down

Posted on: January 9, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I have always had trouble when I’m told that there is no way out and no solution to things. Apparently, looking back at my writing, that fact holds true even in loss and grief. I didn’t realize at first but it explains my anger when I was hit with the regular “whys?” and the “what […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Letting Go of Leaving

Posted on: January 2, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I have had an amazing time the past week with my family. A much needed reconnect. The interesting theme was everyone’s “sorry”. “Sorry we can’t visit.” “Sorry there is nothing to do.” “Sorry we can’t hug.” Funny how we take on the weight of “sorry” when we shouldn’t. As everyone was “sorrying”, little did they […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Day After

Posted on: December 26, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

The day after your diagnosis. The day after our last holidays. The day after your death. The day after all of the “firsts” without you. The day after all the seconds, thirds, fourth, fifths, sixth and, trust me, on the seventh day after there isn’t rest. Every day is a new “day after”. Funny, that […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Bitter, Bland and Forgotten Flavors

Posted on: December 19, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

This year has been nothing less than bipolar. Severe ups, downs, twists and turns I could never expect. Year 1 and 2, I could keep busy, keep moving and face the loss of Clayton when I wanted too. Now, year 3, in a pandemic with the world halted, I’m forced to taste the truth and […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to page 3
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Go to page 10
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

  • Authors
    • Victoria Helmly
    • Staci Sulin
    • Emma Pearson
    • Alison Miller
    • Jeff Ziegler
    • Kelley Lynn
    • Bryan Martin

Footer

Quick Links

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors

SSI Network

  • Soaring Spirits International
  • Camp Widow
  • Resilience Center
  • Widowed Village
  • Widowed Pen Pal Program
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

Contact Info

Soaring Spirits International
2828 Cochran St. #194
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 877-671-4071

Soaring Spirits International is a 501(c)3 Corporation EIN#: 38-3787893. Soaring Spirits International provides resources with no endorsement implied.

Copyright © 2021 Widow's Voice. All Rights Reserved.