An Open Letter to the Holidays… Dear Holidays, As you know, the past 4 years I’ve been trying to figure out life without Clayton. He was always here when you arrived so after he died I couldn’t handle seeing you. I knew you were coming but I couldn’t hang up decorations and I refused to […]
About Bryan Martin
Grief in the Gravy
Part of moving forward is reflecting. This past Thursday was the 4th Thanksgiving without Clayton. I feel very different versus 2 years ago and I think that is important to share as I continue to grow. This has been an amazing year full of growth, self awareness, cultivating my character from grief’s strangely fertile grounds […]
Moments Under A Mask
Headed into the 4th set of holidays without Clayton and the 5th set without my father I’m spending more time remembering my growth instead of my grief. Walking into the woods of widowhood surrounded by the first Fall after losing Clayton and I had no idea how to handle things. Here came the gatherings, the […]
Birthdays and Beginnings
Today is my 43rd birthday. Clayton passed away just before turning 42. I’ve officially lived a full year longer then him. That brings up a lot of emotions and I know that’s normal. Four years ago I didn’t want to celebrate that I was alive another year. I felt tremendous guilt and I thought that […]
Change
I have a giant vase full of change. It occurred to me today that I’ve been collecting all the change I find along the past 4.5ish years since day 1 of widowhood. Look at all that change. Interesting how one word can mean so much and so little to others. Some fear change and others […]
The Stress of the Sale
House hunting – It’s been at the forefront of my mind and free time the past two weeks. We all know that the housing market is out of control right now. Some have said that it might not be the best time to buy a place but others say “you know when you know”. When […]
Flash Back to Flash Forward
Today’s blog is a moment of self-reflection. Once in awhile, I sit down and take stock of where I am and where I was. Right now I am on a beautiful weekend getaway with my boyfriend and his family. I want to absorb as much of our moments together as I can so sharing an […]
I’m Not Just
The past seven days has been sort of a blur. Up for work, rush around, home, dogs, dinner, some tv and then bed. You know, the usual. As I sit here and type I was struggling with what to write. What feelings of loss and grief sewed themselves in the tapestry of my week? I […]
The Little Boy and the Box of Crayons
As I keep walking forward along this widowed path, I’m coming across familiar terrain that I thought I left far behind in my life. No one really tells you that when you become widowed you revisit all of your old worries so I’m going to say it now for those who follow me in grief […]
In-Flight Fear
I’m afraid of heights. I have been completely frozen on the top of a ladder. I stand back from windows in a tall building and the idea of skydiving is sheer terror to me. Strangely enough, I love roller coasters and I don’t mind flying. I think the security in being seated helps combat the […]
Grief in the Grass
Six years ago, Clayton and I took a trip to visit his mother. We were still in Atlanta and she was living along the coast of southern Florida. We had left the city cement behind for a walk along the waves. What I hadn’t realized was the subtle but profound stop we took along the […]
Grief Gaps
Love and loss are the great unifiers. Later in life the family seems to only get together for weddings and funerals. The most interesting part of my grief is how separated and alone I felt even though I was surrounded by love and support. I was kept separate from the rest of life by the […]