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Bryan Martin

Stains of the Heart

Posted on: February 19, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

There have been moments this week where I’ve caught myself thinking more and more about the loss of my dad and Clayton. I had a friend from work pass away after being in the hospital. All I could think about was what his surviving wife was going through. Another coworker sadly lost his mother and […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

Sharing A Smile

Posted on: February 12, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I miss his smile. It was a gift he had share with me to hold in my memories. It’s been almost four years since I saw him smile in person. Sometimes I forget to remember those moments because he was so sick near the end that he didn’t have the energy to smile. It wouldn’t […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Grief Graduate

Posted on: February 5, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

It’s been almost 4 years since Clayton died. I was struck by that fact this week. I’ve been without him for as long as I was in high school. The biggest difference is that my schooling in sadness occurred much faster than K-12. Year 1 felt like being a scared kid starting up class in […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Year Two Times Two

Posted on: January 29, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Sometimes I’m not sure what to write each week. When that happens (because it’s normal to not have a topic), I take it that the Universe wants me to just look back and see where I am verses where I was. So I decided to look back at the last blog I wrote two years […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed

The Memory Bank

Posted on: January 22, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

It all adds up doesn’t it? I’ve had days where it’s one bad thing again and again. I couldn’t catch a break. Life seems so tough when I’m right in the middle of the storm. I used to dwell on the harder days way more then dwelling on the good ones. You know what I […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Filtering Out the Fiction

Posted on: January 8, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Moving from the apartment where I became widowed has had a lot of competing emotions. Taking down the photos that Clayton hung up and seeing just my dog Roan standing in our empty apartment hit me hard. Real life becomes more real in some pretty harsh, unexpected waves and ways. Worn out carpet where Clayton […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

A Flight of Stairs

Posted on: January 1, 2022 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Almost six years ago and three flights of stairs up, we thought our new apartment in this little beach down was part of Heaven. For 8 months I helped you walk up and down these stairs until up was to hard for the both of us. Four years after you, I stayed in our apartment. […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Magic of the Season

Posted on: December 25, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I remember the magic of the holidays when I was younger. Time went by at a much slower pace waiting for that one special night followed by a day of jolly and cheer. Christmas Eve we would spend with my mom’s side of the family surrounded by aunts, uncle, cousins and grandparents. Each year my […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

A Change of Address

Posted on: December 18, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I’ve lived at my apartment for almost 6 years and alone in it without Clayton for almost 4 years. I am 100% full accepting that I’ve stayed in “our” apartment to press pause on parts of my life. I couldn’t have Clayton back but I could wrap myself up in him through the photos he […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Sharing My Scare

Posted on: December 11, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I am very open about my life, my grief journey, my faults and my growth. This week I hesitated to talk about something because I was very scared. I had to go to the doctor for something I noticed a while back that had changed. I should have gone to the doctor sooner but I […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Holiday Apologies – Dusting the Grief Off the Garland

Posted on: December 4, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

An Open Letter to the Holidays… Dear Holidays, As you know, the past 4 years I’ve been trying to figure out life without Clayton. He was always here when you arrived so after he died I couldn’t handle seeing you. I knew you were coming but I couldn’t hang up decorations and I refused to […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Grief in the Gravy

Posted on: November 27, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Part of moving forward is reflecting. This past Thursday was the 4th Thanksgiving without Clayton. I feel very different versus 2 years ago and I think that is important to share as I continue to grow. This has been an amazing year full of growth, self awareness, cultivating my character from grief’s strangely fertile grounds […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

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