It all adds up doesn’t it? I’ve had days where it’s one bad thing again and again. I couldn’t catch a break. Life seems so tough when I’m right in the middle of the storm.
I used to dwell on the harder days way more then dwelling on the good ones. You know what I mean? We do it all the time. We could have a friend say 20 positive things about us and then one thing that is off and those 20 nice things get flushed from our memory. No matter how hard we try, that one negative comment out weighs all the rest. We start walking in the worry.
Of course when Clayton passed away, and honestly his whole illness leading up to his final day, I was surrounded by fear and wounded from walking in the worry. The fog of fear wraps around and you lose your ability to see anything except the Hell your living in and your mind plays out future days full of after-death difficulties.
“I’ll be alone. I’m so scared. I have to pay all the bills myself. What if I can’t? What if I get sick? Who’s going to take care of me? Will I be able to buy food? Will I be kicked out of my apartment? Will I survive?”
There were so many of those thoughts. There was so much extra emotion filled by worry which fueled the anxiety. I realized that meant it was me increasing the heat of my own Hell! So I started worrying about worrying.
The cycle continued until I finally admitted that I was adding to the problem – I was adding value to the hard days. That was the toughest part of my mind change but the biggest step forward. I stopped worrying about the future and I admitted to myself that I was giving all my value to my grief. I was refusing to acknowledge the good days of past and the possibility of good days in the future. I hadn’t checked in on where my overall life’s investments were.
A step back to look at the bank statements of my life and my good day account has a much higher value than my bad day account. Checking in on where I had recently been adding value showed me that I was investing more into the bad day account than the good day account. That’s not where I want to deposit my time and I’m the only one who can invest in either those accounts.
So take a minute to stop and check your memory bank. Leave your emotions to the side and look at the data around your “feeling financials.” On the hard days, help yourself to avoid adding to the financial fire and place value in the good day account. There’s power in memory math…