Hi, baby. It’s me. I’m sorry I haven’t written to you until now. But I know you know. I tried and I just couldn’t. My heart too broken, the pain too deep, the rage too strong. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It’s funny. Well, not haha funny, but you know what I mean. […]
Widowed Memories
We had the Meats
When Tony died, he left us with a deep freezer full of meat. There were supplies for smoking BBQ, like ribs and pork butts likely purchased on sale. He also had vacuum sealed BBQ he’d already cooked saved for us to reheat later. We had ordered beef and pork from farmers, so there were cuts […]
Allowing Nostalgia to Evolve
Every year when I was a kid, throughout the 1970’s and 80’s, my extended family would take a road trip to San Diego to visit family. During the era of no-seatbelt-laws, thirteen (13!) of us would pile into the family orange Dodge Van with the bubble windows, back area that turned into a huge bed, […]
A picture is worth a 1000 words.
I’m low on sleep and was having trouble coming up with something to write about, so I gave myself a challenge. Find an old photo with Mario and put 1000 words to it. So here we go. Oddly, the photo I’ve selected was taken right around this time (June) exactly 6 years ago. Here’s the […]
I Did a Thing 🫣
Tuesday 5.26.26 🗓️ I went on my first date since my husband died. It came with all of it. All the feelings. I was really excited and proud of myself for choosing to do it and heartbroken all over again that I had to. It was coffee with a tall and handsome guy who approached […]
Checking an Item Off the To Do List after 11.5 years
11.5 years after Lynn passed, I (finally) switched my home’s water bill from her name to my name. Normal?! Ehhh, I thought it was pretty nuts that it took me this long. This un-fun task was never on my “urgent do now” list. In the back of my mind, I thought THAT was the strange […]
Memories … I have a few
“Separation is an illusion. Though your loved ones are not physically with you, they are with you spiritually and energetically. They live in you and through you. They are ever with you, as close as your breath. When you are overwhelmed with missing their ‘form’, remember that their essence is woven into the fabric of […]
Milestones and Memories
Memorial Day marks the official start of summer here. The kids had their last day of school last week. I now have a senior, a freshman, and a seventh grader. Watching the kids grow is a milestone against which I sometimes compare the passage of time since Tony’s death. It’s already mind bending to realize […]
Out of the Blue
Out of the blue, I received a text message from Joe’s wife, Katie. Regular readers know that Joe is Lee’s nephew. Joe, Katie, and their two children, Allie and Dean, now live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It had been at least one year, probably more, since I last saw or heard from them. Katie wanted […]
The Thrill is NOT gone
So, last night Steve and I went to a large theater to hear a performance by “Rodrigo Y Gabriela,” the married couple who have been popularizing the venerable style of guitar called flamenco. Until late last week, I had no idea who these musicians were or what they sounded like, despite having a Grammy to […]
Mother’s Day with Boys
Another Mother’s Day has come and gone; six to be exact since Tony died. It is still weird to wake up on a day like Mother’s Day without him. I always take myself back in time to the last one he was alive for. He and the boys picked up the house, emptied the dishwasher, […]
The Saying “You Marry Your Mother”
There is a saying “you marry your mother / father,” which suggests that people often subconsciously choose a partner with similar temperaments, traits, behaviors, etc as their parents. A few years into my and Lynn’s relationship, I remember thinking this saying seemed to be true for me. This Mother’s Day, I am remembering the ways […]