Today, April 20th, is the fifth anniversary of Tony’s death. Yesterday I thew a huge party in his honor. (More on that next week.) As a result, my heart is both empty and overflowing with love.
I had a soul cleansing cry at the end of the night (which was technically today). It was good to get that out. Sometimes we are so busy staying strong that it’s hard to make time for not being okay. Crying also makes people uncomfortable. So, I usually reserve the big crying for when I’m alone. But it was nice to have someone there for a solid hug.
Since I woke up this morning, I’ve felt depleted. I spent the day alternating between picking up from the aftermath of the party and rotting on the couch. I think getting so many emotions out yesterday, let me have a more zen experience today. For the moment, I’ve run out of tears.
My mahjong class was tonight but I skipped it. While I’m feeling as peaceful as I can on a day like today, I do not have the brain power to work on learning a new skill. I’m surprised I have anything in the tank to write this.
The anniversary of our persons death is always a hard day. I hope you also give yourself permission to do what’s right for you too. It’s okay to cry alone or on a shoulder. You can skip that class, bed rot, or even throw a huge party. My only ask is that you try and be kind to yourself.
