Somewhere in our second year of our travels, Chuck and I met friends for dinner in NJ, a state that had been our home for 2 decades. He served at McGuire AFB, both active duty and in civil service, following his retirement, and we raised our kids there. One of our friends asked us what […]
Yesterday was a gloriously sunny day, brilliant and bright and fresh and sparkling after the recent snowfalls. Medjool and I had already decided that we would head up into the Jura for a cross-country ski. He knows the region better than I do and so selected where we went. A place that was new-to-me for […]
I find myself lost in reverie frequently. Staring into the distance, seemingly. What I’m really doing is staring into the stillness of my heart, Into the stillness of memories long past. As I write this blog, my fingers trail off typing and it takes a few minutes to come back to the here and now, […]
Throughout caring for Clayton before he died, I felt the weight of responsibilities. The weight of being a caregiver and the weight of working full time, the weight of making sure medications were dosed and delivered on time, the weight of his comfort and the weight of emotions. Heaviest of all for me, the weight […]
Today, I spent part of my day decluttering the kitchen and reorganizing my toolboxes. It was a bit cathartic. I threw a load of things out. And it got me thinking about how cluttered I have been feeling in my mind of late.
Clutter is a funny thing. We “collect” knickknacks, and we display them so everyone—especially us—can see them. From little magnets, we bought on that visit to Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco to the owl candle holders that came from someone who thought they were cute.
His hugs. I felt them through my entire body. In our early days together, it was my hugs to him as he returned from deployment. We generally never had an opportunity for farewell hugs. Only words if he had time to call me from work and bid me a hasty goodbye. Quick I love you’s between us […]
Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, when we had just moved to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blogsite for widows, and I am widowed. But in addition to losing my husband Mike in 2017, I had only recently lost both my youngest brother Edward (15 […]
This week’s writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since. I wrote, “Who Am I ?” on December 11, 2017. Three years later, these words are still powerful and true…
I have a personal blog and I wrote about the topic of food and cooking in October 2019. I decided to revisit it and update it as some time has passed, but similar feelings remain. I follow several grief-related social media pages and participate in groups through Facebook and Instagram, etc. Through these accounts, I […]
I have had an amazing time the past week with my family. A much needed reconnect. The interesting theme was everyone’s “sorry”. “Sorry we can’t visit.” “Sorry there is nothing to do.” “Sorry we can’t hug.” Funny how we take on the weight of “sorry” when we shouldn’t. As everyone was “sorrying”, little did they […]
Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow absorb. To try not to get too upset about. Festive lights against dark, black-out-curfewed streets. […]
The day after your diagnosis. The day after our last holidays. The day after your death. The day after all of the “firsts” without you. The day after all the seconds, thirds, fourth, fifths, sixth and, trust me, on the seventh day after there isn’t rest. Every day is a new “day after”. Funny, that […]