There is a saying “you marry your mother / father,” which suggests that people often subconsciously choose a partner with similar temperaments, traits, behaviors, etc as their parents. A few years into my and Lynn’s relationship, I remember thinking this saying seemed to be true for me. This Mother’s Day, I am remembering the ways Lynn and my Mom were wonderfully alike.
Food was their main love language. My Mom fed anyone and everyone. She would call me at work and tell me to stop at their house on my way home to pick up food. At least every other day, she would either have my Dad drop off food on our doorstep, or they would do a drive-by with food. Cooked meals, leftovers from a party, a split Costco package, all the things. I would tell folks of my generation who were resistant to taking the food, to just take it, because it was my Mom’s way of showing her love. Similarly, if Lynn cooked ribs or something big, she would package them up in individual containers to share with friends. If she were tasked with making something as simple as burgers or hot dogs for a bbq, she would inevitably ensure there were multiple options of mustard available, various types of meat based on people’s preferences, etc. Her family and I are still pleased that we still have leftovers from a big batch of Limoncello she made (I swear it’s still good).
In aligning with this, Lynn and my Mom were extremely community oriented – I definitely absorbed this trait from them. My Mom sought out the Filipino community in our town when my parents immigrated here, and was a significant part of the community for the next 50 years until she passed. She taught Filipino folks dance, and many would say, they learned more about our cultural practices when she arrived. Similarly, Lynn focused on community all her life – it was her calling. I still meet strangers who tell me how Lynn impacted them both professionally and personally just by setting an example of how to serve your community and treat people with compassion. The impact Lynn and my Mom had on their community was felt when they passed, and their legacy lives on in all the lives they impacted, and lessons they passed along. Acts of Service was definitely their second Love Language.
For both of them, family was everything – they were the nurturers and matriarchs in their family and friend groups.
They were the first to show up if someone needed help, the first to problem solve in situations, the first to ensure someone was FED. The feeling of being nurtured – and truly spoiled by them gave me a feeling of safety, a feeling of being put first, and provided me a place to thrive.
Though quiet about it, they were observers. Often times, they knew what I was feeling and what I needed before I knew it. They knew what things I cared about or disliked, how experiences would affect me, and what kind of support I might need.
There are so many ways (good and bad, lol) that they were alike. I think what I love the most, is that they were both strong women who had a strong sense of self, they knew exactly what their role was here on Earth, and they passionately worked to fulfill that role. They also had their own interests, and took the time and energy to pursue them. They had strong opinions, and did not ask for permission or acceptance from people. They walked their path, helped others along the way, and spread soooo much love.
While I miss them tremendously, my gratitude for the gifts they gave me and their influence in who I am today far outweighs the sadness. I still consider myself the luckiest person in the world.
