I remember clearly the first time I met Lynn’s parents and family… the anxiety, apprehension, excitements, all the things. Also, it was the first time we traveled on a plane together (from California to Atlanta). Every part of the trip was a new, nervous experience for me, to the extent that I privately asked a […]
Early Firsts
I recently wrote about the many “firsts” I have experienced in life that happened with Lynn. It made me think about the “firsts” after Lynn, and the mixed feelings that often accompany these “first” experiences. There are the firsts that are more about grieving the lack / loss of Lynn’s presence. I remember the first […]
The SIgnificance of Widow Friends
I had brunch in the Castro in San Francisco today with two close widow friends, one of their partners, and my (alive) partner. I met my two widow friends thru Soaring Spirits’ LGBTQI+ Regional Group, and we are in our own tight knit group of 15 widows and 3 (now 4) alive partners of 4 […]
The Power of Holding Her Hand
June was Pride Month AND Filipino Heritage Month, and is always my busiest month as a result. I am greatly involved in organizing many of the activities, as well as participating in those I have no responsibility with (often my favorite times). I couldn’t help but remember the many memories Lynn and I made over […]
My Beautiful Italian Father-In-Law
After one of Lynn’s Celebrations of Life, her father, Gus, pulled me aside to talk alone. He told me that he knew how much Lynn and I loved each other, and that he wanted me to find a new love one day. He emphasized that they (Lynn’s family) would welcome my new partner with open […]
Take the Trip
I am currently on vacation in Hawaii, looking at the palm trees swaying, and it is reminding me of the vacation Lynn and I took with my parents, back to the Philippines in 2009. We have a ton of relatives back in the Philippines, and while I had not been there since the early 2000’s, […]
Non “Magical Thinking”
For years after Lynn passed, I never shied away from “hard feelings” ie: sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, etc. If a feeling came along, I gave it a place to stay as long as it needed to. I had no filter with people either. If people asked “how was I doing,” I matter of factly told […]
The Memory and Comfort of “Mangia”
One of Lynn and my favorite restaurants recently closed. It was a neighborhood Italian restaurant, and when Lynn passed, the owned gave me a bottle of wine as a condolence gift. Lynn judged Italian restaurant based on how good their eggplant parmesan was, and this restaurant passed her test on our first visit. We went […]
Moving Their Stuff Along
My widow group chat has been abuzz this past weekend. The main topic has been about “getting rid of stuff.” There are about 15 of us in the group, and on some days, if you go into a work meeting for a couple hours, you might find 50+ notifications of new messages, depending on how […]
Sundays are the Most Nostalgic
Sunday afternoons are sometimes still the most nostalgic and bittersweet times. I frequently have packed weekends, often a little too “peopley.” And it is a relief to get to Sunday evening, to pause, rest, and get into that somewhat resistant mindset of, “the weekend is over and Monday is looming.” My bones still remember with […]
A Car as a Time Capsule
Lynn and I met a year before we were officially a couple. For a year, we steadily became closer friends. (Honestly, I was secretly dating her for that year, but she didn’t know it…) Lynn bought a brand new, Silver, 2005 Toyota Scion xA that year. Her Golden Retriever had passed away shortly before she […]
My Evolving Relationship with Old Routines
I started running again the past week. My usual route, 3 miles around the lake a few minutes from my house, and the neighborhood I grew up in. This has been my usual nightly running route on and off for the past 15+ years, though it’s a trail I have been traversing since I was […]