I was recently reading a book where the widow went on her first vacation since her partner passed. Her friend booked her on a month long, Italy group tour without her knowing, thinking she needed a “push” to be “happy” (insert eye roll here). She decided not to tell anyone she was a widow, and it was actually interesting reading her inner thoughts and grief regarding her loss of her partner, as well as feeling alone because no one knew she was grieving. My first “weekend get away” was Camp Widow (San Diego 2015) (not really a “get away” right?!). I am so grateful that was my first trip without Lynn! I was 8 months widowed, and needed to be “allowed” to express my sadness when it came, and not have to filter myself or “keep it together.” My grief was not only validated but shared, I was able to talk about all my feels with other widows, and I could cry and be comforted (and not questioned) by strangers. I am not saying this is the right way for everyone, but for me it definitely was. That weekend was also the first time I laughed deeply again since Lynn had passed, the first time I felt like I was getting my feet under me again, and the first time I felt hope for feeling “okay” again. 

I recently attended Camp Widow LGBTQI+ PopUp in Los Angeles, and, after attending multiple camps over the past 10 years, it was my first time going as a re-partnered person.  Many of my friends whom I have made thru CW LGBT Group also attended, several as re-partnered people as well. Some of their partners also participated as volunteers, or on the “Love after Loss” panel, or attending the “Partners” workshop. I have met and gotten to know many widows’ current partners over our years of friendship. I realized this weekend, that seeing the partners year after year they had (somewhat subconsciously) given so much hope for finding love again. And as I navigate my feelings in my relationship, I have called on my “Wids” to help me understand some of my anxieties that are related to being a widow. (“She’s 5 minutes late, of course I assume something terrible happened…”) 

When I read books or watch movies with widows “struggling,” and their friends / family pushing them to “move on” (I’m a Hallmark junkie – there are waaaay more widowed characters than divorced characters for some reason…), I immediately think “Whyyy don’t they have widowed friends??” Some people think that having widowed friends and talking about widowy things keeps us stuck. But it’s the opposite – it has helped me feel normal / validated in all the mixed emotions and confusion I have had over the years. And my friends constantly give me hope in how well they express and experience their emotions – good and bad, and how we all are allowed to move forward at our own pace, with each other as our biggest cheerleaders. (OMG – pleeeease a Hallmark move about super fun and hilarious widows???)