Yesterday, I facilitated a parol making workshop for a large group of Filipinos, some I have known since I was a child. Parols are a traditional, Philippine lantern displayed during the holiday season, and made of capiz shells. OUR homemade carols, however, are made of bamboo sticks and cellophane paper. Years ago, I would bring the craft materials to our large family Thanksgiving dinner, and my family members and I would make the parols, and it would inevitably turn into a competition. Twas a blast! 

I grew up surrounded by lots of family, and as an adult, I still saw my aunts / uncles / cousins etc on a pretty regular basis, since I ended up living just 8 blocks from my parents home, which is the home I grew up in. In the past 3-4 years, rather rapidly, my large family dwindled down due to death, moves, and changes in family dynamics. My Mom passing 2 years ago definitely contributed to a decline in communication and connection with some family members, as she was the one we were all drawn to and connected with each other thru. 

Teaching and making parols with non-family members and out of a “family tradition” was somewhat bittersweet, it was fun to connect and teach people, but bitter that no one there was my bio family. It definitely felt wonderful to have some folks there make it a point to tell me they knew and missed my Mom.

This is one thing that has made me reflect, process, and accept that traditions may change without your control, and how I can meet those changes in a compassionate-towards-myself way. All my childhood and into my 30’s, Thanksgiving dinner was ALWAYS at my Aunt’s home. It was also the anniversary for Lynn and I, so our tradition was to go on a little road trip the Friday after Thanksgiving. In 2014, Lynn passed a week after Thanksgiving, and for the 2-3 years after, I would have an anniversary dinner at a special to use restaurant by myself that weekend. Two years later, my Aunt passed away, and we had Thanksgiving dinner at a few different relatives’ homes. Over time, Thanksgiving weekend became just a weekend to get chores done. 

This year, I am currently planning on going on a weekend road trip with my girlfriend, and I am very open hearted and excited about creating new traditions! Aaaand, I am still in a state of shock and reverence for the past, grieving not just those who passed, but the traditions and rituals we shared that were forever a cornerstone of my life. I never thought of how those routines would change, and how family relationships and dynamics would shift. I am navigating how to go into these non-stop new chapters without too much bumping and bruising along the way, lol.