I was contacted by a long time friend this week asking for resources for a widow client he was working with. I am sure many of us widows are asked similar questions, or asked if we would be willing to talk with someone who is recently widowed and may need to connect with another widow. My friend works for Hospice, and he had a new client who was in her 40’s and had two young children. The Hospice grief support groups I his program were primarily comprised of older participants, and his client wanted to connect with younger widows like herself. I shared the info regarding Soaring Spirits’ Newly Widowed group, and explained that there were many participants his client’s age (and many much younger in fact!)

I also asked my widow friend, A, who had also become widowed when her daughter was very young, if she would be interested in talking with the new widow. When Lynn passed, A was the first widow to contact me. She and I are childhood friends, and her husband passed two years before Lynn. While all my friends and family were incredibly supportive, A spoke to me with very practical, logical information – gently and with love, of course. She asked me what had happened, and responded with the right amounts of surprise (Lynn had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly) and “acceptance” – as if she already understood and had experienced the life changing shock of what I was going through. A also mentioned to me in a way that was palatable for me at the time, that her second and third years were harder than her first. While that made no sense to me at the time, I filed it away in the back of my head. Her comment continues to be one of the top things I am grateful for in my first year of widowhood. When my second year became harder in some ways (easier in others, of course), at least I had already known that this might happen, and that is was normal for many people.  Eight months after Lynn passed, I attended my first Camp Widow, and received the support, resources, beautiful experiences, and life long friendships. 

There are several key moments / experiences in my first year of widowhood that I now recognize as having a serious impact on my early days – which in turn strongly and positively shaped my grief journey. I am forever grateful for the “luck” to have gotten to receive these gifts. I recognize that the beginning of any life changing journey is sacred and critical, and, thinking about my friend’s new client, I hope that people receive the right blessings at the right time, so their journey is not so dark.