After one of Lynn’s Celebrations of Life, her father, Gus, pulled me aside to talk alone. He told me that he knew how much Lynn and I loved each other, and that he wanted me to find a new love one day. He emphasized that they (Lynn’s family) would welcome my new partner with open arms, and accept them as one of their family. Throughout the 10 years since Lynn’s passing, Gus has always treated me as another daughter, and made sure I knew I would always be considered part of their family. 

I (very) recently found that new love that Gus gave his blessing to, 10 years ago. I was so excited to bring her to visit Gus and Lynn’s family, and we were trying to plan when to visit, what shows we could see in Nashville while we were there, and how to incorporate a trip to Dollywood. But first and foremost, I was excited to have Gus, my larger than life, Danny DeVito type, passionate Italian father-in-law meet her – and for her to meet him. I was anticipating hearing Gus gush about her, and tell her numerous times that she was welcome as part of the family. I knew he would, in his own way, tell her that Lynn loved me very much, and would have wanted me to find another love. 

This past Thursday, Lynn’s sis-in-law and brother shared the news that Gus had not been doing well suddenly, was in ICU, and had little time left. (Just a few weeks prior, he had beat the whole family in Top Golf.) I immediately began making plans to fly out, and my new love immediately offered to join. (Swoon…) We had almost booked the flights, when Lynn’s brother and I had a long heartfelt chat, after which, we decided I would not visit yet. And, I would likely have a better chance of having a lucid conversation with Gus via FaceTime. I had told my sis-in-law that I had been excited to bring my new love to visit, and she told me that Gus had constantly asked if I had been dating, if I had met anyone, etc. Another family member told me the same thing. I am so grateful that I got the chance to tell Gus, if only over FaceTime, that I had found love again, and that I had told her about him, and how he had hoped I would love again. Gus asked me her name, and I got to tell him about her. It took quite awhile for him to get the words out, but he wished me a happy life, and I got to tell him he was the best Italian father I could ever hope for, that I loved him, and that I was so grateful for him. 

It’s interesting to me how I immediately thought of bringing my new love to meet Lynn’s family. She is amazingly comfortable hearing about Lynn, my grief journey, and all the things. My relationship with Lynn’s family has evolved beautifully over the years. Our shared love, memories, and our own individual grief journeys and ongoing relationship with Lynn is a great part of what keeps us close. I think we also bring “more Lynn” to each other when we are together. I know that when I visit with them, Lynn is the happiest, and her energy is even more present. Maybe I thought my new love (can we just call her MNL?) could observe and understand how normal and important it is for me to be part of Lynn’s family. I was definitely excited for them to meet her, and for her to experience being welcomed into this amazing family. And, of course, did I believe that she could understand who Lynn was, by meeting her family? Why is that important? How would that affect her? Who to ask these questions? Why, my widow group of course!. And MORE importantly, asking the current partners of widows. 

When I shared with my LGBTQI+ widow group, they all were of course happy, and the discussion also turned into peoples’ experiences telling their late partner’s parent that they had found love again. It is a relief to talk with other widows about our relationships with our in-laws, and of telling your late person’s parent about your current relationship status. (Varied results were shared, by the way.)

I look forward to one day sharing the story of when MNL and my in-laws meet. I look forward to all the feels that will be felt. And, it will be a milestone that I honestly NEVER thought would be part of my journey. The words “grateful” and “magical” come to mind. And, I have a feeling both Lynn and my Mom had a little tiny hand in bringing happiness to my life again…