I had brunch in the Castro in San Francisco today with two close widow friends, one of their partners, and my (alive) partner. I met my two widow friends thru Soaring Spirits’ LGBTQI+ Regional Group, and we are in our own tight knit group of 15 widows and 3 (now 4) alive partners of 4 of us widows. Over the years, our large group has met for a weekend getaway in Palm Springs at least once a year, and it is always an amazing, intimate experience. We three who had lunch today are 10, 4, and 3 years widowed, and have heard each other stories about all the things, including dating, romance, sex, etc. When I started having deep feelings about my new love, I immediately called for a zoom with my widows to discuss the multitude of feelings, thoughts, confusion around my new experience. In only an hour, we discussed so many layers about dating as a widow. We laughed and cried, shared immense gratitude for the amazing, committed partners who were able to hold space for our identity as a widow – and all the things that comes with it. 

Today, as we proceed about our current experiences, we were beautifully able to reflect on each other’s journey since losing our partners regarding finding new love, because we had heard on a nearly daily basis over the years about each other’s experiences. Despite having the “most years,” I frequently call on my widow friends for processing about various “challenges” that come up for me – usually in regards to my late partners’ belongings. Every widow is on their own timelines when it comes to various challenges, and it is immensely helpful to hear now others’ experiences are like. 

Today, it was relieving and gratifying to hears my widow friends’ experiences. They articulate some of my feelings that I could not put words to. And, just as important, my new love could participate in our conversation and understand the nuances and significance of being able to talk about what goes on in my head and heart as a widowed person falling in love again. She was also invited into the “Partners of Widows” group, which has their OWN separate WhatsApp chat, where they talk about… well, I don’t know what! Lol. When we have our weekend getaways, they separate into their own group and talk about… I don’t know, but they adamantly insist on having their own private groups talks without us. 

I do not take lightly how lucky I am to have support, friendship, and insight into falling in love as a widow. And to be able to share a small part of the group (for now) with my new love depends our own relationship and understanding of one another. Learning how to integrate my past, present, and future is an ongoing process, and thank goodness for those who walked their path ahead of me, and who continue to share their experiences along the journey, so that I do not need to feel like I am navigating alone in the dark.