Fire season in California means updating the emergency backpack in the car. Among the various obvious items I have in it, I also have items for my “elderly” parents – particularly for my Mom’s health needs. We live 8 blocks away from each other, and the times we have had to evacuate, we evacuate together. […]
Ready to Let Go of Tangible Reflections of their Love
Lynn was big on having (over the counter) meds on hand – allergy, flu, tummy ache, headache, etc. She had them organized in plastic bags that she carefully labeled with what they were for. I have struggled all these years with clutter cleaning, getting-rid-of, holding onto things until I am ready to let them go, […]
I No Longer Need My / Our Burial Plot
My close friend, J’s, husband passed away a few years ago. Lynn and I were very close to them, and when we would go out, we all joked that people would think the “couples” in our group were actually J and I, and Lynn and my friend’s husband. We just naturally would pair off when […]
The Gifts in the First Year of Widowhood that Shape the Grief Journey
I was contacted by a long time friend this week asking for resources for a widow client he was working with. I am sure many of us widows are asked similar questions, or asked if we would be willing to talk with someone who is recently widowed and may need to connect with another widow. […]
More Firsts at Camp
I was recently reading a book where the widow went on her first vacation since her partner passed. Her friend booked her on a month long, Italy group tour without her knowing, thinking she needed a “push” to be “happy” (insert eye roll here). She decided not to tell anyone she was a widow, and […]
New Firsts with A New Love
I remember clearly the first time I met Lynn’s parents and family… the anxiety, apprehension, excitements, all the things. Also, it was the first time we traveled on a plane together (from California to Atlanta). Every part of the trip was a new, nervous experience for me, to the extent that I privately asked a […]
Early Firsts
I recently wrote about the many “firsts” I have experienced in life that happened with Lynn. It made me think about the “firsts” after Lynn, and the mixed feelings that often accompany these “first” experiences. There are the firsts that are more about grieving the lack / loss of Lynn’s presence. I remember the first […]
The SIgnificance of Widow Friends
I had brunch in the Castro in San Francisco today with two close widow friends, one of their partners, and my (alive) partner. I met my two widow friends thru Soaring Spirits’ LGBTQI+ Regional Group, and we are in our own tight knit group of 15 widows and 3 (now 4) alive partners of 4 […]
The Power of Holding Her Hand
June was Pride Month AND Filipino Heritage Month, and is always my busiest month as a result. I am greatly involved in organizing many of the activities, as well as participating in those I have no responsibility with (often my favorite times). I couldn’t help but remember the many memories Lynn and I made over […]
My Beautiful Italian Father-In-Law
After one of Lynn’s Celebrations of Life, her father, Gus, pulled me aside to talk alone. He told me that he knew how much Lynn and I loved each other, and that he wanted me to find a new love one day. He emphasized that they (Lynn’s family) would welcome my new partner with open […]
Take the Trip
I am currently on vacation in Hawaii, looking at the palm trees swaying, and it is reminding me of the vacation Lynn and I took with my parents, back to the Philippines in 2009. We have a ton of relatives back in the Philippines, and while I had not been there since the early 2000’s, […]
Non “Magical Thinking”
For years after Lynn passed, I never shied away from “hard feelings” ie: sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, etc. If a feeling came along, I gave it a place to stay as long as it needed to. I had no filter with people either. If people asked “how was I doing,” I matter of factly told […]