I am currently on vacation in Hawaii, looking at the palm trees swaying, and it is reminding me of the vacation Lynn and I took with my parents, back to the Philippines in 2009. We have a ton of relatives back in the Philippines, and while I had not been there since the early 2000’s, Lynn had never been there. We double dated with my parents regularly, so traveling with them internationally on a family vacation felt simultaneously special and normal. Lynn and I never had much money to travel, both of us working in non-profits, but we did take many vacations with our families. While at the time I wished we had gone on more “alone” vacation, I am so grateful to have the memories of vacationing with family, because together we can remember our shared vacations.
Lynn met many of my extended family, and immersed herself, as much as she could, into the Philippine culture. In doing so, she learned more about me, my parents, and my family dynamics. She stayed in our various family homes, spent hours and hours at the table while those around her ate and talked in a language she did not understand. She visited sacred places of my family ancestors, and better understood cultural norms that spill into my current life. Also, now that my Mom has passed, I am even more grateful to have these memories with my Mom.
Similarly, I accompanied Lynn’s extended family on their annual vacations to Florida, where we would all stay in a rented house together. We created so many memories and watched her nieces and nephews grow up.
In the past 10 years since she passed, I have not taken “vacations” that did not require me to have some sort of responsibility or task during the vacation. This is not a great time to be away from my town, where I have tons of stuff that needs to be done. While I am helping a friend during this vacation, this Hawaii trip is making me realize how much benefit I receive and need from “going on the damn thing.” There have been unexpected blessings and gifts on this trip, that strongly and positively influences my life, that I would have missed out on.
When we were both working two non-profit jobs, doing our volunteer community work, and just trying to enjoy life as best we could, it would have been “easier” in many ways to defer “unnecessary,” expensive, and seemingly frivolous vacations. I am eternally grateful to both our families for having helped us go on vacations and create memories that have helped me get through the past 10 years since she passed. Because of these memories and experiences, I do not regret not having lived “a bigger life” with Lynn. I do not feel we missed out on life because we were so focused on life work. I hope to keep in the forefront of my mind this sentiment to, when possible, “Do the Damn Thing,” because time eventually escapes you and then disappears all together.
