Love songs hit different now, for many reasons. Lately, I have been touched by what would be categorized as “love songs,” but I take them in as me talking to myself…
Two songs have really taken my breath away lately, and are on the soundtrack of my current chapter and whatever-life-transition-I-am-in-now.
Adam Lambert’s rendition of Cher’s “Believe” is amazing and so powerful! It is about the post-break-up time, so that part does NOT relate as a widow. But, what a deep, profound, and bittersweet question to ask myself. I HAVE lived since Lynn’s passing. I would say I have managed to create an amazing life that I am pretty pleased with. But, deep deep down, I do still harbor a sentiment of, “my life with Lynn was better than any life I will have in the future.” THAT is what the pinched feeling I feel when I listen to this version of this song. Not just living, but LIFE, living and feeling fully. I will just say, I am absolutely getting there – I am starting to feel and see that my life in the past 11 years since Lynn passed, and all my years in front of me, I have lived and felt fully, at least at the capacity I could at the time. And, that is not enough anymore, I am ready to live fully-er…. fully-est? Lol. “And I know that I’ll get thru this… cause I know that I am strong…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PzQHZLiUPs&list=RD5PzQHZLiUPs&start_radio=1
I had the recent point of view to listen to “You’re Still the One” by Shania Twain – as sung from me TO me. Wow! I am one of my biggest critics, and constantly chastising myself for a million things every day. Listening to the lyrics of this song, and imagining walking this life with the younger versions of myself, I realize – I HAVE come along way. Yes – with a lot of “help from my friends;” but thru it all, there was always me pushing myself along, getting myself out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other, letting myself sleep longer if I needed to, having the crying spells and then still getting up afterwards. And the line, “They said, I bet, they’ll never make it,” reminds me of the verbal and non-verbal judgement from people regarding how I chose to travel on my grief journey. I love the saying, “The best revenge is to living your life.” It’s hard not to try to defend and justify how I walk my journey, and thank goodness for my fellow widows on their similar journeys, so we can celebrate and cheer each other, because we know even the little wins (making it thru the day) are significant.
“You’re Still the One”
Looks like we made itLook how far we’ve come, my babyWe mighta took the long wayWe knew we’d get there someday
They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”But just look at us holding onWe’re still together, still going strong
You’re still the one I run toThe one that I belong toYou’re still the one I want for lifeYou’re still the one that I loveThe only one I dream ofYou’re still the one I kiss goodnight
Ain’t nothin’ betterWe beat the odds togetherI’m glad we didn’t listenLook at what we would be missin’
They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”But just look at us holding onWe’re still together, still going strong
