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Allowing Nostalgia to Evolve

Posted on: June 14, 2026 | Posted by: Grace Villafuerte

Every year when I was a kid, throughout the 1970’s and 80’s, my extended family would take a road trip to San Diego to visit family. During the era of no-seatbelt-laws, thirteen (13!) of us would pile into the family orange Dodge Van with the bubble windows, back area that turned into a huge bed, had a sink and hidden toilet, and a metal ladder on the back. We would leave super early in the morning (though I always believed it was late at night because it was still dark out), and us kids would sleep on the converted bed for the first few hours. After day break, the van would transform to wrap around bench seating. Everyone had their designated seat – including my aunt and uncle who shared the “seat” of the red metal Coleman cooler (I still have it) and those designated spots never changed year after year. My dad was the only driver, and we would always stop at all the exact same rest spots. (In my younger years, I would always vomit at the same rest stop. My Mom had this inevitable situation handled down to a science and was ready for it. There was no mess and it was just part of the trip.) There were a couple overnight stops along the way, including Santa Maria (a relative lived there) and the Disneyland area, and we went to Disneyland every year. (I just googled, “Was Disneyland affordable in the 80’s?” Answer: “Yes, Disneyland was highly affordable in the 1980’s. A 1-day adult passport cost around $12 in 1980, increasing to only about $24 by 1988. Adjusted for inflation, a day at the park was roughly half the cost of admission compared to modern rates.”) We also had our brief sightseeing stops, including Solvang, Hearst Castle, and the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo. Solvang is imprinted in my mind from not only these road trips, but also from going on the frequent, “classic” California road trips as a teenager and adult with friends.

My niece graduated this past weekend from CalPoly SLO, and my sister asked if I remembered regularly stopping at The Madonna Inn during these road trips. I did not, which is not surprising since I was a kid. My sister told me that when my niece first toured SLO, my Mom asked her / told her to stop by The Madonna Inn. My Mom expressed we always stopped there for bathroom breaks during our road trips, and she especially remembered how pretty the tile work was (?). So my sister took my niece there for lunch that first visit to SLO. I spotted the sign for the Inn during this past weekend, and thought about how lifelong landmarks can change and evolve. I have the nostalgia for the Inn being a significant spot for those early years (even if I don’t remember it), and I think of how my Mom probably looked forward to stopping there. She at least had nostalgic memories of it that were fond enough that she told my sister to stop there 45+ years later. And now in my mind, it’s also the place my sister took my niece that first visit. Maybe one day, it will have the memory of a place I stayed at, had a meal at, did more than use their bathrooms, lol.
I like to put places special to me on a pedestal, and the initial reason they are significant to me is usually held above any additional significance it could possibly have. This is especially true if the reason is attached to someone who has passed away. I could not go to Lynn and my favorite restaurants for years after she passed. When I finally did, I kept it’s reverance as “Lynn and my favorite restaurant.” I think it’s how I keep the memories alive and reminding myself that they actually happened and were wonderful times. Aaand, I am wary of creating new / different memories. But… hearing my sister/niece’s lunch at The Madonna Inn – a new experience and interaction that is SUPER sweet, is making me realize that the significance and “story” these “landmarks” have in my life can continue. The new chapters and experiences can build on the old ones, not negate them or outshine them. This thought is actually increasing my gratitude for the special landmarks, and makes me excited instead of bittersweet about creating new shared experiences at these places. Adventure awaits!
The trusty old van. I remember calling it the Yellow Submarine once or twice. After we sold it (after owning it for decades) I remember seeing it a few times in Guerneville, the back doors still covered with stickers from so many California attractions. I think someone turned it into a surf mobile (at least that’s what I like to think).

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays, LGBTQ+ Widowed

About Grace Villafuerte

Grace Villafuerte’s long time partner passed away in late 2014 and she has attended and presented at many Camp Widow events. She has worked in Social Services in Sonoma County for 28 years, is a SAGE trainer, and works closely with older adults - many in the LGBT community. Most of her professional and non-professional life is filled with participating in and organizing LGBT events (including Sonoma County Pride), facilitating discussion groups and training addressing LGBT older adult issues, and volunteering and fundraising for nonprofits working with HIV clients and LGBT youth.

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