It’s weird how a flash of seemingly nothing can transport you back in time. One minute I’m running errands, crossing off my mental to do list, and the next I’m back in 2021. I don’t even know what prompted it. It could have been anything though; a song on the radio, a task he used to do, or maybe a truck that looked like his. Or maybe it was nothing but my brain wheeling backwards in a moment of quiet alone time.
The most recent one brought me back to the immediate after. It was like I was trying on the raw sensation of disbelief and shock again without commitment. Many times, I have a choice now. How long do I want to sit with this flashback? Do I need to button up and sit with the uncomfortable? Or can I shrug off the rawness? Just because a wave pops up, doesn’t mean I have to ride it all the way in.
Sometimes we need a good cry, and the flashback is just what we need to physically release how hard it all is. Other days, I just don’t have the time or mental capacity soak in the sadness of it all. No matter how I handle the flashback, it always serves as a quick reminder of the lunacy of loss and missing someone for the rest of your life.
