A repost! Last week the twins and I returned from my first solo flight with them since Erik’s passing. I had been anticipating this flight for quite some time. All the worries that come with being a solo parent at home seemed so trivial compared to all the worries I had about traveling alone with […]
Widowed Suddenly
Back to Therapy
In response to feeling overwhelmed lately, I have been buying books and exploring therapy options. It started with ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins a few months ago and I wrote a post on that. Now I’m reading ‘What Happened To You?’ by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey. I have made […]
The Living Bucketlist
What a world. The twins and I have been on back-to-back trips for the last few months. We recently just got back this past Saturday from a trip to Japan and South Korea and wow, what a trip it was. It was another bucketlist item that Erik and I had. As I continue to travel […]
Our Lost Cat
Our cat has been missing for four days, and the anniversary of Tony’s death is in six days. Into that equation go ahead and add that my oldest will be 16 in two days. In summation, I am struggling. I feel like such a failure losing the cat, as the adult in the house it’s […]
Squad Goals
A week ago, I was wrapping up a long weekend with my widow squad. Ten of us, who over the last 4 years, built a bond at Camp Widow San Diego. The Camp Widow format change was our catalyst to adjust how we show up for each other. For us, Camp had begun to serve […]
Putting You to Rest
A repost! Lately, time has seemed to tick by so fast, mostly during these ‘ber’ months. Something this past weekend made me realize how quickly the twins are growing up and how it just feels like each month is slipping away, yet my mind still takes me back to those early months after Erik passed. […]
The Dreaded Week
Here we are yet again. Another year. Another death anniversary. As this week began, so did the replays. The replays of each day of this week leading up to Erik’s death. The replay of each detail. Each interaction. Each moment. My mind looking for something I might have missed. Running through the what-ifs. Looking, searching, […]
Home Alone
As a solo parent, every now and then I find my brain in the middle of a ‘what if’ spiral of paranoia. After the death of a partner, the mortality of ourselves and our loved ones lives closer to the surface. I know life can change in an instant. Friday night I found myself driving […]
To my Erik,
In two weeks it will be three years since you took your last breath. So much has changed since you’ve been gone, yet sometimes it feels as if it was still just yesterday. I still very much feel as if I’m in survival mode. Each day I put on a brave face for the twins […]
Slideshow Selections
This is my last year having a kid in elementary school. Preparations have already begun for the year end celebration at the school. Our school hosts what they call the Fifth Grade Farewell. It’s a day of fun games and activities for the kids. At the end of the day, the kids, their teachers, and […]
The Dark Day
A repost as we head into March! As we have now entered the dark month I find myself significantly more anxious during my days, more than I have been for a while. I feel like I have been trying so hard to not live in the days of 2022 leading to that dark day. It […]
What is in the Fridge
Last week I ordered a new refrigerator to replace the one Tony, and I purchased when our oldest was a toddler. It’s just an appliance, but that fridge has moved with us and been in my kitchen for about 14 years. Over the weekend I cleaned behind and under the old one. I found reminders […]