Widow's Voice

Slideshow Selections

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This is my last year having a kid in elementary school. Preparations have already begun for the year end celebration at the school. Our school hosts what they call the Fifth Grade Farewell. It’s a day of fun games and activities for the kids. At the end of the day, the kids, their teachers, and the parents present will gather in gym for a slideshow.

Each family submits a baby picture, a current picture, and 1-2 family photos. The first two picks are easy enough. It’s the family photos that draw attention to our otherness. I imagine the 2 family photos is more geared towards the divorced families but I’m thankful for it this time.

I sat down with my son this weekend to get his input. First, I asked about what baby picture he was okay with me submitting. I love to tease my kids, but I never want to make them feel uncomfortable in front of all their peers. Therefore, I always get their input on the baby submission.  Next, I brought up the family photos asking my son what he wants. Do you want me to include an older family photo with dad in the picture? Like the brother before him, he didn’t hesitate to say yes. It’s not an overly emotional conversation but the fact I have to have it all is still astounding.

These are the conversations my ‘normal’ friends don’t have to walk through. There is another student in 5th grade that lost a parent last year. While I don’t wish this on anyone, I feel a small sense of relief that I’m not the only widow parent this time. Then I feel like crap for that too.

I always use the same photo for things like this. It was taken a year and half before Tony died but it’s the last really good picture I have of the 5 of us. Our youngest was only 5 at the time, he’s 11 now. So, this slideshow I also included a more recent photo of the 4 of us. The boys have changed so much over the last 6 years it felt weird to not have a more updated pic.

Thankfully, I won’t have to navigate this specific task again. The next time it’ll be close to this, is when they start graduating high school in 2 years. That will bring along a whole new level of emotion and trepidation.

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 45 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 11 and 15. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.