I’m sorry I bailed on everyone last week. It was on my mental to do list to request a repost blog, but I didn’t write it down. Most of us suffer from forgetfulness in widowhood and I am no exception. When I finally remembered I forgot to send that email, it was late Monday afternoon, […]
Widowed by Suicide
Timelines
While watching tv I saw an ad for a sitcom about marriage. They were making a joke about how long after death they had to wait to find a new partner. He told her she had to wait half the time they were married, then she quipped that he wouldn’t wait. […]
Another Bloody Birthday
Yesterday was Tony’s birthday. He should have been turning 48, but he is forever 43. I actually double checked myself because 48 didn’t sound right. He was born two years before me so keeping track of his age is easy. Yet still I questioned if that number was right. Five birthdays we’ve missed his presence […]
BBQ Community
Living in the Midwest, BBQ is a food group and a hobby. I’ve shared before that Tony loved to smoke and had a BBQ team. He also shared that love with others and built a community of competitors. One of the people he drew into that world was his boss. A few weeks ago, his […]
Magical Powers
Today I opened an assignment one of my kids participated in for school. The question posed to these middle schoolers was: If you had to choose one magic power for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why would you choose this power? This assignment was completed on a discussion board of sorts, […]
Faded Marks
You know those restaurants that give you sharpies to write on the walls? So, you are encouraged to leave your mark on the establishment. We have one of those places close by. For awhile it was a staple breakfast spot for our family. It was a place that Tony loved. The food was over the […]
September
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and the 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Day. Over the years my attitude towards these attempts to bring awareness has evolved. In a lot of ways, it has transformed with my grief. The first year, it made me angry. Prevention? Seriously? How could I have prevented something he kept hidden […]
Curiosity of 5 Year Olds
“Are you going to die, Mama?” Those words cut through me like a knife as my entire body went motionless. I looked at that sweet face that was looking back at me, not realizing the impact her question had on me. My mind blanked for a second, not knowing how to answer back, and then […]
An Insightful Gift
Last weekend I got to spend time with one of Tony’s best guy friends. He was the best man at our wedding level bestie and someone we have both been friends with since high school. We don’t get to see each other often because life is busy when you each have 3 kids at home. […]
“I want to give your kids the world.”
A repost! As the twins’ birthday trip nears I have found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. More so than normal. Any time I’m getting ready for a trip I find myself thinking of Erik more often than I already do. So why do I continue to do it? Because traveling also makes me […]
Dead People Everywhere
It’s easy to get caught up in our own losses and forget that death impacts everyone. You look around at the grocery store and think you are the only widow buying hamburgers you’ll probably burn again. At the Dr’s office, it’s easy to assume the rest of the dads are at work. On vacation, every […]
Making Lemonade
It’s been 2 weeks, and I have been a bad widow, off doing widow things with this widow brain of mine. Week 1 totally spaced the Monday blog duty. Week 2, forgot to email and ask for a repost since I was out of town. Bad widow brain. Right before school started, I took the […]