I never asked, but I think the Facebook post I made on my first widowed Valentine’s Day was the catalyst that led me to writing this blog. Tony died in April of 2021, and I attended my first Camp Widow in October of 2021. After Camp, I became Facebook friends with the people I’d met. […]
Widowed by Suicide
Changes Coming
It’s only February but wheels are already in motion for another season of changes. My oldest will be a senior in high school next school year. I’ve heard that year is hard on many parents with all the changes it represents. Crossing each of those milestones without his dad feels heavy. I know it might […]
Touch Deprivation
A friend and I were recently talking about the touch deprivation experienced in widowhood. It’s one of those extra layers of loss that not everyone thinks about. But it reminds me of everyone touting the importance of skin-to-skin contact when a new baby is born. We use touch to express affection, and I don’t mean […]
The Dance Crew
Last week, I spent 4 perfect days in Cabo with a handful of my widow friends. It takes a little more work to get to Mexico, so our entire crew wasn’t able to join for this one. But the 5 of us made the most of our time together. Contrary to what an outsider might […]
New Years First
For the first time since Tony died, I found myself in town for New Years Eve. I have spent the last four years ringing in the new year anywhere but home. Part of me was dreading being here with all the couples I’m friends with when the clock struck midnight. The unknown of how it […]
My Stocking
The Christmas décor has already been packed away. Another Christmas passed and further away from when Tony was here. I’ve convinced the kids we don’t need to put up the tree anymore. It’s so heavy and a lot of work put up and tear down. There are no believers in my house anymore and it […]
Funeral Attendance
Today I went to a funeral for friend whose mom passed away. I have known this friend since high school, and I think I even crashed on the couch in their basement once. I know some people avoid almost all future funerals after losing their partner. Admittedly, some of them are easier to sit through […]
Flashbacks
It’s weird how a flash of seemingly nothing can transport you back in time. One minute I’m running errands, crossing off my mental to do list, and the next I’m back in 2021. I don’t even know what prompted it. It could have been anything though; a song on the radio, a task he used […]
Holiday Travel
I’m sorry I bailed on everyone last week. It was on my mental to do list to request a repost blog, but I didn’t write it down. Most of us suffer from forgetfulness in widowhood and I am no exception. When I finally remembered I forgot to send that email, it was late Monday afternoon, […]
Timelines
While watching tv I saw an ad for a sitcom about marriage. They were making a joke about how long after death they had to wait to find a new partner. He told her she had to wait half the time they were married, then she quipped that he wouldn’t wait. […]
Another Bloody Birthday
Yesterday was Tony’s birthday. He should have been turning 48, but he is forever 43. I actually double checked myself because 48 didn’t sound right. He was born two years before me so keeping track of his age is easy. Yet still I questioned if that number was right. Five birthdays we’ve missed his presence […]
BBQ Community
Living in the Midwest, BBQ is a food group and a hobby. I’ve shared before that Tony loved to smoke and had a BBQ team. He also shared that love with others and built a community of competitors. One of the people he drew into that world was his boss. A few weeks ago, his […]