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Emily Vielhauer

Our Second Christmas

Posted on: December 26, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

This is our second Christmas without Tony but despite that, it was a first of sorts. For our first Christmas without him, I couldn’t bear the thought to be in town. I didn’t want to feel forced to participate in the merriment. The thought of his empty place and the looks of condolence at all […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Emotions, Uncategorized

Another Suicide Loss

Posted on: December 19, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Last week, news broke that Stephen “tWitch” Boss died by suicide. As a survivor of suicide loss, each time I hear of someone else dying this way I feel a little crushed. It’s like my brain can’t process how or why this keeps happening to people. The subsequent days filled my news feeds with things […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Branching Out

Posted on: December 12, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

A month ago, I went to dinner with some college friends for my birthday. While we were having a pre-dinner drink at the bar, one of them suggest I check out an app called Meet Up. This friend never married or had children. As most of us were getting married and having babies, we weren’t […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Community, Miscellaneous

Signs from a Stocking

Posted on: December 5, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

We are coming into the thick of the holiday season now. I’ve already been to 1 holiday party, and I have 2 more scheduled this week and the following. It feels a little excessive this year but I’m rolling with it for now. Our dreaded Elf on the Shelf is back, but the older boys […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Signs from Loved One

Account Changes are Hard

Posted on: November 28, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Today the plan was to write about how we put things off because we know it’s going to be hard. We have enough hard so if there’s a path of less resistance, I might just follow it. And then I put writing this blog off all day. Clearly, I’m sticking with my theme of stalling […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide, Miscellaneous

Hug a Widow(er)

Posted on: November 21, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

This weekend I went out with some girlfriends. Our original plans were foiled when the cover band we wanted to see had to cancel their show due to illness. So, we pivoted and ended up at a country bar that recently reopened. I don’t know when the original one closed, but I can tell you […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed by Suicide, Uncategorized

Anti At-Least Parenting

Posted on: November 14, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Parenting solo is hard. I could self-criticize plenty of things I did better when there were two of us, but I’m not here to dwell on those today. This weekend, I realized how grief has changed a specific part of my parenting style for the better. Saturday morning, my middle son was woken up by […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Birthdays Can Be The Worst Days

Posted on: November 7, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Last Wednesday was Tony’s 2nd birthday since his passing. He should have been 45 but he is immortalized at 43. Having already checked off a birthday without him last year, I thought I was mentally ready for this day. I was wrong. When I woke up on the 2nd, I felt the weight of the […]

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed Birthdays, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

Halloween Changes

Posted on: October 31, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Today is Halloween and per usual my feelings are complicated. I have always loved Halloween, it’s right before my birthday, I love dressing up and expressing some creativity. Before Tony and I had kids, we used to have a big party every year and we usually put a lot of thought into our costumes. Once […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays, Widowed by Suicide, Uncategorized

Stress Manifested

Posted on: October 24, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Last Monday, I was feeling a small sense of calm after weeks of high stress. I’d been stressed with the daily tasks of parenting and adulting my household alone. While grieving heavily as the longevity of this loss came into focus. Monday afternoon I sat down in the chair at my hairstylist because shocking, these […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide, Miscellaneous

Peaceful Moments

Posted on: October 17, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I can’t really tell you why but after a tough few weeks, I’m feeling a little better. I don’t feel like a dam of emotions is ready to burst at any moment. The tears aren’t hiding just below the surface ready to erupt. Sometimes it’s easy to tell why we are riding a new wave […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions

Missing Him Until My End

Posted on: October 10, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

We grieve because we love and lost our person. Until I was grieving, I didn’t really understand the depths of my love and how much space is carved in my heart for Tony. This week I’ve been grappling with the realization that I will miss him for the rest of my life. It’s something I’ve […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

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