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Emily Vielhauer

Readying for Another Sweep

Posted on: June 26, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I have been getting the itch to start purging again. The first time I got rid of anything it was about 5 months after Tony died. I went through his clothes because it was something I knew. Heck, I probably purchased 75% of his wardrobe! I didn’t need to question what something was worth, where […]

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Uncategorized

Another One Down

Posted on: June 19, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Last week I was just feeling off. I didn’t go to my workout class once. All I wanted to do was eat chocolate, french fries, and curl up to escape into the fantasy saga I’m reading. It took me until Wednesday to realize it was probably in part because I was approaching our third Father’s […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community

Undercurrent of Fear

Posted on: June 12, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Fear isn’t always something we always talk about with widowhood. Losing Tony to suicide has put an undercurrent of fear beneath all of us who held him dear. This isn’t to say that we live our lives in constant fear, but it creeps out faster for us. When I call my mom at a weird […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Social Media Memories

Posted on: June 5, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I have a love hate relationship with the memories section of Facebook. I love looking back at pictures of the kids when they were little. Round faces, dimpled hands, and innocence. I hate that I don’t have more pictures of Tony with the kids, or just his legs made the shot. Seeing a photo of […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide, Uncategorized

Rollercoaster of Life

Posted on: May 29, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

This week, I attended the 8th grade field trip to our local theme park. I was assigned a group of kids to check in with through the day, but they didn’t have to be actively chaperoned. So, with an entire day to spend in the park I found myself on a few rides. Hold on […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Grief and Circumstances

Posted on: May 22, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I always miss Tony, but I found myself missing him at every turn this week.   Our youngest was denied a spot on the soccer team with his friends again this year. I cannot help to think if Tony were here, he would be in the unofficial Dad Club where these decisions are made. I […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Uncategorized

Motherhood in May

Posted on: May 15, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I am tired. For parents of school aged children, May is a special hellscape. Spring sports are in full swing. There are last minute school projects to complete. Field day for the elementary kids. Band concerts. Fifth grade farewell and last day hallway walks for my middle one as he closes out his last year […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Uncategorized

Funeral Attendance

Posted on: May 8, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I went to a funeral this morning. That right there could be the whole post, right? Two years later and it’s still hard to sit through one without transporting myself back in time. The funeral was for a relative of Tony’s who I didn’t know that well. Therefore, I was there as a supporter versus […]

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions

One Last Meal

Posted on: May 1, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

If you’ve been widowed a hot minute, you know there are many first and lasts you experience over the years after your partners death. This might sound weird to some people but Sunday evening the kids and I ate the last of Tony’s barbeque. Smoked sausage and brisket burnt ends to be exact. We spent […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions

Deathiversary Two

Posted on: April 24, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Last week was a heavy week for me. Thursday marked two years since Tony died by suicide, leaving behind unanswered questions and heartache. These are the waves of grief we see coming and we can almost prepare for them. Last Monday, I sent the kids to school, wrote my blog, and then let the sadness […]

Categories: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One, Widowed by Suicide

Joy and Melancholy

Posted on: April 17, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Yesterday was my oldest son’s birthday. This Thursday will mark two years since Tony’s death. It is hard to hold both of those dates in my heart so close together. The date that we became parents for the first time with the date we all lost him. Joy and melancholy fold in on themselves. This […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Birthdays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide, Uncategorized

Missing My Bookend

Posted on: April 10, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I am quickly approaching the two-year mark of Tony’s passing. In a way, I just want to get past the 20th of this month so I can put that date in my rearview window, versus watching for its head on approach. The grief is different now than it was in the beginning. I no longer […]

Categories: Uncategorized

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