When Tony died, he left us with a deep freezer full of meat. There were supplies for smoking BBQ, like ribs and pork butts likely purchased on sale. He also had vacuum sealed BBQ he’d already cooked saved for us to reheat later. We had ordered beef and pork from farmers, so there were cuts […]
Tony Trees
In June of 2022, I had two trees planted and I call them my Tony Trees. A group of my sorority sisters had pooled money together so I could have them planted in his honor. It was a time when everyone was looking for a way to help. After sitting on it for a while, […]
Success Isn’t Final
Last week I got to take an all-day class on hand lettering. The session is meant as a way to get in touch with your creative side. I knew when I saw the class description it was one I wanted to take. During the wedding years of my 20s, I addressed my own and wedding […]
Milestones and Memories
Memorial Day marks the official start of summer here. The kids had their last day of school last week. I now have a senior, a freshman, and a seventh grader. Watching the kids grow is a milestone against which I sometimes compare the passage of time since Tony’s death. It’s already mind bending to realize […]
A Dating Methodology
Over the last few years, I’ve dated on and off. I’ve primarily used dating apps because I don’t find myself ‘in the wild’ where there are other single people. Dating as a widow, after a marriage I was happy in has been a challenge. While I can feel broken and discombobulated, I also know what […]
Mother’s Day with Boys
Another Mother’s Day has come and gone; six to be exact since Tony died. It is still weird to wake up on a day like Mother’s Day without him. I always take myself back in time to the last one he was alive for. He and the boys picked up the house, emptied the dishwasher, […]
A Hole in the House
What in the widowed life is going on here? I have a literal hole in my house. This is a prime example of a situation where I would have had to exert zero thoughts on the matter if Tony was alive. Instead, I am very overwhelmed. Last week, my oldest came home from school and […]
DeathFest V in Review
A week ago, I hosted a party called DeathFest V (5) to honor the life Tony lived and the person he was. Tony loved revelry with all the people he loved. Even though the party had a dark name, gathering together was at the center of the event. As I built the invite list, I […]
April 20th
Today, April 20th, is the fifth anniversary of Tony’s death. Yesterday I thew a huge party in his honor. (More on that next week.) As a result, my heart is both empty and overflowing with love. I had a soul cleansing cry at the end of the night (which was technically today). It was good […]
Right Before
Isn’t it weird to look back on the week before their passing? Depending on the circumstances of their death, that week has a kaleidoscope of events across our widowhoods. For us, life was thrumming along. Spring was coming but the last dregs of winter were holding on. Kids sports were getting ready to hit full […]
Hobby Exploration
Over the last five years, I’ve asked myself a few times what do you want to do with your time? Are there new hobbies you want to try? Old ones to pick up? How will you fill all the time you expected to spend with your partner now that he is gone? What will bring […]
A Party to Plan
This week we turn the calendar to April. Once again, I will find myself in the month that Tony passed. What feels crazy to me is that this year will be the 5th anniversary of his death. Five years is bananas. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. A month or so ago, […]