Over the last five years, I’ve asked myself a few times what do you want to do with your time? Are there new hobbies you want to try? Old ones to pick up? How will you fill all the time you expected to spend with your partner now that he is gone? What will bring […]
A Party to Plan
This week we turn the calendar to April. Once again, I will find myself in the month that Tony passed. What feels crazy to me is that this year will be the 5th anniversary of his death. Five years is bananas. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. A month or so ago, […]
Anniversary Missives
St. Patrick’s Day was/is Tony and my wedding anniversary. This year, we should have been celebrating our 19th. Instead, we are always stuck at 14. Walking through the wedding anniversary grief always hits a little different. It is a striking reminder of our widowhood coupled with their death. The other big days, like their birthday […]
We Went to Church
A few weeks ago, I took the boys to Church. And by Church, I mean Eric Church. This was Tony’s favorite singer and every song he released; Tony seemed to identify with more than the last. I don’t think there was a song he didn’t like. Right after Tony passed, tickets for one of his […]
Fever Nights
Wow, last week was ROUGH. When I wrote on Monday about being sick, I had no idea what I was in for. I was down for seven days with a fever of 102 I couldn’t keep under control and exhaustion. Every night, I woke up every hour or two either chilled to the bone or […]
Sick and Tired
The last two days I’ve been sick and tired, literally. We had a busy Friday and Saturday night, and I thought I was just sore from the weekend. Then I noticed it felt like my skin hurt. That first sign your getting sick before the real symptoms set in, leaving you question if it’s real […]
My First Valentine’s Day
I never asked, but I think the Facebook post I made on my first widowed Valentine’s Day was the catalyst that led me to writing this blog. Tony died in April of 2021, and I attended my first Camp Widow in October of 2021. After Camp, I became Facebook friends with the people I’d met. […]
Changes Coming
It’s only February but wheels are already in motion for another season of changes. My oldest will be a senior in high school next school year. I’ve heard that year is hard on many parents with all the changes it represents. Crossing each of those milestones without his dad feels heavy. I know it might […]
Touch Deprivation
A friend and I were recently talking about the touch deprivation experienced in widowhood. It’s one of those extra layers of loss that not everyone thinks about. But it reminds me of everyone touting the importance of skin-to-skin contact when a new baby is born. We use touch to express affection, and I don’t mean […]
The Dance Crew
Last week, I spent 4 perfect days in Cabo with a handful of my widow friends. It takes a little more work to get to Mexico, so our entire crew wasn’t able to join for this one. But the 5 of us made the most of our time together. Contrary to what an outsider might […]
New Year. New Widow
My team at work kicks off the week with a quick meeting almost every Monday morning. It’s a quick 15-minute call where we cover the highlights of the upcoming week and who has a birthday or anniversary. Last week was our first one of the new year, and we all expected welcome back pleasantries. Instead, […]
New Years First
For the first time since Tony died, I found myself in town for New Years Eve. I have spent the last four years ringing in the new year anywhere but home. Part of me was dreading being here with all the couples I’m friends with when the clock struck midnight. The unknown of how it […]