I never asked, but I think the Facebook post I made on my first widowed Valentine’s Day was the catalyst that led me to writing this blog. Tony died in April of 2021, and I attended my first Camp Widow in October of 2021.

After Camp, I became Facebook friends with the people I’d met. Probably not shocking since I write this blog for anyone to see, I tried to be very open about my grief experience. So, when my first Valentine’s Day rolled around, I did my best to be kind to myself, but I had no idea how I would really feel.

This was the 2022 FB post:

Sent myself flowers because I wanted them and it’s important to do things for ourselves. It is a little weird to write yourself a card.

This holiday was harder than I expected. Everyone always calls it a Hallmark holiday, but I assure you Hallmark did not invent it. I did miss getting a card from my favorite Valentine and eating Popeye’s Chicken.

I’m grateful for the expected and unexpected check-ins. Bottles of wine, bath bombs, lunch, texts, fellow widow connections, Marcos, dinner delivery and a wine nightcap. I can’t imagine walking this path without each and every one of you. F@#*ity f@#*, today sucks, but you made it just a little bit better.

Valentine’s Day wasn’t a holiday we over celebrated and it hurt more than I expected that first year. But I do think it brought me here to this blog and I am thankful for the outlet this has provided me with. Sometimes it’s weird to share my griefy musings each week. But it also actively reminds me of how far I’ve come since that first Valentine’s Day filled with heartache.

I hope you were kind to yourself this Valentine’s Day. Next year, if you want flowers, order them because you deserve whatever makes you smile.