I had my sister and a friend in town this past week and it was wonderful. We had a great time relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company. All of us are working a side business together with a big company and doing very well. The company had recently reached out to me and asked me to host a local event. What an honor and what an amazing…
widowed fears
Things That Matter
Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways. I am more empathetic. I am more sympathetic. I am less judgemental of people’s lives and situations and circumstances. I listen better. I stop to talk with people more. I find more meaning and beauty in very tiny things. I exist in the moment…
Please Sign and Date
Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about it. Scared that when the day came, it would make it more true. For the first few months, holidays, birthdays I felt like it was a short enough time…
Why me? Why not ‘‘‘me?
After our income fell drastically, we moved into a one-bedroom apartment at a great location; it’s only a 20 minute walk to Anisha’s school. However, it is not a big, character home like the ones her two best friends live in. Recently she said, “I wish we lived in a big house like my friends.” I can’t describe how hard the…
Heads or Tails
It is easy enough for most of us to identify with our own, “widowed” side of the story. We’re the ones left behind when our partner dies. We are all suddenly single parents, sole breadwinners, alone, scared, and confused. It doesn’t matter if we’ve had years to accept the impending death, or minutes. But, what if we were on the other…
When Their Truth Hits
I’ve had very few visitors since Tin passed away. I don’t know if the reason is avoidance, being unsure of how I’ll be with guests or just that life goes on and we become too busy for the little things. Approaching the first anniversary of Tin’s passing, as the warmer month’s and spring break approaches, I’m starting to get the calls…
Accepting Fear
Last week, I wrote about dealing with fear. More specifically, the fear of more bad things happening. Of the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think it’s normal when you’ve experienced any major loss to begin to fear another one coming. So for the past six months or so, I’ve been having an increasingly big fear of someone else…
Trauma Triggers: Is This Still a Thing?
In July, it will have been 8 years since my husband’s sudden death from cardiac arrest bulldozed into my life. Eight years. There are so many days when I trick myself into thinking that Im really okay now and maybe this wont affect me anymore. And then I get knocked over by something such as this ……. On Wednesday, I went to the gym…
Dealing with Fear
This past six months or so I’ve been noticing a bit of a looming feeling in the background of my mind. Things in my life are relatively dialed in for the time being. I have a new life, a family, a routine of day to day things. I have dealt with enough of the bigger stressors that I now have more time and energy to tackle and explore smaller…
Repeating Repetitive Things
I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. Why did this have to happen? How do I come to a place where things make more sense? How do I blend my life today with the life I never finished? Why do I get to keep living and he doesnt? How will it ever be okay that he won’t experience new things? Will the missing of him ever get less intense? How do…
The Sting of Spring
As the first anniversary of Tin’s passing ebbs closer, I find myself at the gate to the last season of the firsts. I’ve made it through the summer days at the beach, cookouts and fireworks. I’ve made it through the changing leaves, crisp fall air and a Thanksgiving I wasn’t very thankful to experience. I’ve made it through everyone else…
Scared to Remain, Scared to Change
I have always hated change. Especially when something would change drastically or quickly, and I didnt have much choice in the matter. Like that time when I was about 7 years old and we went on a class field trip to a Maple Farm, and I somehow ended up with a gigantic ball of maple syrup in my long, curly, gorgeous hair. And then my dad, for…