A few weeks ago, Mike and I wrote a joint post together about some of the challenges of two widowed people dating. The metaphor that we mentioned, which is a common one, was of being second fiddle… the idea that each of us sometimes feels “second” to the person that came before us in our partner’s lives. It’s a bit unavoidable now and…
remarried widow
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Two Second Fiddles
A while ago, Mike and I wrote this post together about some of the things that are harder about being two widowed people in a new relationship. In that post, we talked about how we aren’t ever able to really pull the widow card on one another, because essentially – it’s canceled out. We’ve both been through an equally hard pain. We have…
Knowing Ahead
The holiday season is over. Starting in early November, every year, I begin pondering Megan’s death at an elevated rate, leading up to the anniversary of it. With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day all occurring in the weeks just after, it’s two months of absolute stress, that nobody seems to understand, including myself. My…
Talking to Fear
Yesterday Mike and I booked the first big part of our honeymoon for next summer – a beautiful cabin set in between Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. It’s exciting for sure, but also, terrifying… Why does something this simple have to be so scary for me? I spent entirely too much time online checking reviews and double checking other…
Titles
Sarah and I are planning our wedding, taking place next year. Vaguely, it is going to be somewhat informal, in the sense that the traditional rehearsal, church, event hall, catering, DJ, etc are either going to not be a part of it, or otherwise substituted in a more unique way. I’ve helped plan a wedding before. 14 years ago, Megan and I were…
Things That Matter
Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways. I am more empathetic. I am more sympathetic. I am less judgemental of people’s lives and situations and circumstances. I listen better. I stop to talk with people more. I find more meaning and beauty in very tiny things. I exist in the moment…
When Love Wins out Over Fear
It’s been a little over a month now since Mike proposed. I’ve had a few hard triggers. Trying to think about planning a wedding has been tough at first. The last time I was going to marry someone, he died before we ever got to the big day. He died before we ever even got into the true planning. So needless to say, that part of me that remembers…
First Weeks of Being an Engaged Widow
We’re a week into the new year, and I haven’t had a lot of time to sit down and reflect. Holiday travel definitely takes a lot out of you and we’re only just beginning to get settled back in at home. The thing that I am reflecting on right now as I write to you is mostly, my gratitude, and the big event I wrote about last week – Mike…
I’ll Not be Home for Christmas
In my 38 years, I have never once not been with my parents on either Christmas eve or Christmas day. Even when I was in the military, I lucked out in that I wasn’t deployed over Christmas, and I was able to drive from North Carolina to Ohio, even if only for a 48 hour visit. Since 2002, I’ve added Megan’s family to that tradition, always…
(not so) Ordinary Life
And so the countdown begins… In 56 hours or less (not that I’m counting or anything), I will be holding a new little life in my arms. One small person I helped create. One tiny little reminder of what life is really all about. My sweet little baby boy has no idea what his life represents already in this world. In a place that can be so cold,…
A New Perspective
The moment I walked out of my front door in Michigan for the last time, tears fell without warning and without permission. It was as if my body knew what my mind wouldn’t allow me to think about or dwell on – that I was leaving behind a huge history and pieces of my heart that would never be found in any other place (cue Monica from Friends…
Aging Gratefully
Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old, three years older than Phil was when he died six years ago (crazy to think he would be 46 right now!). My first birthday without him I remember wishing time could just stand still. I didn’t want to age without him;I didn’t want to celebrate being alive with birthday songs and presents; and I didn’t want to…