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Bobby Atwal

My Final Self-Reflection

Posted on: August 1, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

 I have really enjoyed contributing to this blog, but now it is time to move on and giver others a chance to share.   I thought over time I would find other widows and widowers to connect with, but it hasn’t really happened.  However, as I reflect over my life, it makes sense because my life experience has always been outside the norm—I…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

On the Bright Side

Posted on: July 18, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

       For some reason, I always feel that this blog should be sad and grief-driven.  But, today I just feel AMAZING!  It would have been our 10th anniversary last week, and yes, it was hard, I mean really hard.  However, it wasn’t nearly as hard as in the past.         Partly why I feel so good is that I used my heavy bag for 30…

Categories: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed by Illness

Thoughts About the Dead

Posted on: July 4, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

I miss the weight of her body on top of me falling asleep.   I miss how white her teeth were and how her tying bells aroourful skirts from Rajastan.    I miss watching her tying bells around her ankles and practicing classical Indian dance.   I miss hearing her opinions on politics, race, climate change, gender and the cosmos.   I even miss…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions

Generations of ‘Love’

Posted on: June 20, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

No one tells you, or really talks about how boring parenting can be.  Everyone loves to talk about all the fun stuff kids do.  It’s easy to talk about the fiery, youthful enthusiasm that makes them entertaining.  It’s fun to talk about children being silly and pretending to be animals.  There is nothing cuter than watching a 6-year-old hop…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Random Widower Thoughts

Posted on: June 13, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

Sometimes, okay, let’s be honest, more often than sometimes, it feels like the best part of my life is over.  She is gone.  She is gone. And, she is gone.  However, at the same time It feels like this is the best part of my life because I get to raise a fantastic daughter.  Even though I know that it would be so, so much better if Natasha…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Grief’s Grip Again

Posted on: June 6, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

Clearly, 4 ½ years is far too long to miss the love of your life since society continues to tell me not to miss my wife anymore.  The thrust of the conversation is aimed at pushing me to stop talking about missing my wife and get over it!  As a result, we all learn to judge our social environment carefully before bringing illness, longing and/or…

Categories: Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Space

Posted on: May 31, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

  Whenever my daughtyer and I sleep next to each other there is a space  beside us. When I am getting Anisha ready for school there is a space next to us. When we sleep next to each other, there is a space next to us. When we have breakfast, lunch and dinner, there is a space next to us. When we walk to a playground, there is a space next to us.

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Fragile Confidence

Posted on: May 25, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

  My daughter has a friend over for a playdate today and it has been a good introspective snapshot of where I am at.  I keep thinking that I have all of this new confidence, but some remnants of the old me remain, like persistent weeds that always finds new tunnels to the surface.              My daughter has a friend over for a playdate…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Socializing While Grieving

Posted on: May 17, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

     Seems like being a widower means adjusting my view of the world to an existence of being damaged, marred and/or scarred for the rest of my life.  Life is now about managing the constant reminders of love lost.  Maybe, just like my poor eyesight, my grief is becoming a deficit that I will have to carry forward as I am constantly reminded…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Is The Grief Coming To An End?

Posted on: May 10, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

  I completely forgot!  It was Natasha’s birthday recently and I completely forgot.  In the 4 years since her death, I forgot her birthday for the first time.  I only remembered a couple of days later when my daughter was asking about her scheduled activities.      I wasn’t even particularly busy, I just simply forgot.  Does this mean…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Welcome Back Grief

Posted on: April 27, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

 It has been almost 4 ½ years since Natasha left us, and finally, it feels as though the grief is passing.  Yet, every now and then it I think that it is over, that the grief is over—but then certain thoughts start to resurface, This is not fair, why does life have to be so hard, and why are other people’s lives so much easier!     Grief…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

Why me? Why not ‘‘‘me?

Posted on: April 18, 2019 | Posted by: Bobby Atwal

     After our income fell drastically, we moved into a one-bedroom apartment at a great location; it’s only a 20 minute walk to Anisha’s school.  However, it is not a big, character home like the ones her two best friends live in.  Recently she said, “I wish we lived in a big house like my friends.”  I can’t describe how hard the…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

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