Whenever my daughtyer and I sleep next to each other there is a space  beside us.

When I am getting Anisha ready for school there is a space next to us.

When we sleep next to each other, there is a space next to us.

When we have breakfast, lunch and dinner, there is a space next to us.

When we walk to a playground, there is a space next to us.

When we go for chocolate ice cream, there is a space next to us.

Space, spacc, space, always so much space that was once occupied by her touch.

 

     As I continue to work through my grief, I know my confidence will continue to rise.  In particular, as I figure out my next career.  I cannot overstate how challenging it is to make a career change after being diagnosed as being visually impaired.  As I mentioned before, I am not blind, far from it, but I do have some vision challenges that hinder me from teaching in a classroom.  As I continue to redefine my career the absence of my wife makes it all the much harder.  Making huge life changes is always easier with the love and support of your lover.  I know I will be able to redefine my career eventually, but its is so, so much harder on your own for countless reasons:

 

LOVE means that your have endless emotional support

LOVE means that your have financial support

LOVE means you have help with parenting

LOVE means you help with family health

LOVE means…

 

 I know I will eventually push through this grief and excalate my job search, but in the meantime, all there is is grief and struggle.  The kind of grief and struggle that not even my daughter’s smile can melt away.