My fingers glance gently over the clocks in the hall,
Measuring time that carries no meaning.
My slippered feet wander past rooms of memory.
Blog
Expertise I Did Not Want
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash It is dawning on me that I am an expert in Grief. My own, for sure. But increasingly, that of some others, too. Not in terms of what they are experiencing, and how it feels inside of them. No, never that. But in terms of being able to help them: Differentiate pain […]
Tu me manques
In French, rather than saying “I miss you” they say, “tu me manques” which means, “you are missing from me”. This phrase accurately describes what I feel. Mike is missing from me. My latest fear is that there is no end to the soul crushing “missingness” that curses through me. I am over three years […]
In the Space of Another’s Pain
To be inside the space of another’s pain is one of the most sacred and private spaces to share with another, and for them to allow you into. For that reason, I think it does us all well – whether we have lost someone or not – to remember this sacredness, and to recognize those moments when they come. Do not squelch it with platitudes. Be silent, be committed, be fully present, and let them and their emotions lead.
Arriving in Community
Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles LGBTQ center, was the first ever event for my subgroup in the widowed population. If you’ve attended an event, […]
On Shaky Ground
This will be a short one, because Im in the middle of moving for the next 2 weeks, and sending my boyfriend away for 2 weeks (long story), and working a kagillion hours with all my real estate transactions to try and survive and pay bills and rent and still have SOME time in my […]
Friends
When I became a widower, I was hopelessly lost. My senses went into overdrive and my feelings were so intense and alien to me, I was in a complete state pf panic and a total fog. It felt like I was in a freefall.
The saving grace were the friends and family that showed up for me in that moment.
Nothin’ but Love~
I frequently remind myself of Christina Rasmussen’s words…
You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable.
Picking at Grief Scabs
February is weird. Always slightly off. As a kid, I found it weird that there were only 28 days in the month. Then 29 days just as we were getting used to the 28 day pattern. I wondered in awe at the brilliance of the scientists from so long ago who figured out that we […]
I Forgot…
In our community, “Grief Math” is common practice. We all do it. We keep track of dates. We mark dates. We “celebrate” dates. We honor our person on certain days. And, daily, we privately attempt rough calculations – in our heads – regarding random dates and their deadness. We complete these elaborate calculations involving […]
Quagmire
Sunshine and mild temperatures don’t mean that the worst is over…they simply mean that the weather that will floor you comes from the ground up.
Two Unlikely Companions
Boarding my plane to attend and present at the Soaring Spirits LGBTQ widowed event in Los Angeles this week and feeling more nervous than I have ever felt speaking. I have presented in front of audiences over 500 people about a variety of topics from penguins to being widowed. Broad range of topics but my […]