• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Widow's Voice

Widow's Voice

  • Soaring Spirits
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors
    • Victoria Helmly
    • Staci Sulin
    • Emma Pearson
    • Alison Miller
    • Gary Ravitz
    • Kelley Lynn
    • Bryan Martin

Arriving in Community

Posted on: March 7, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles LGBTQ center, was the first ever event for my subgroup in the widowed population. If you’ve attended an event, you know the work that the Soaring Spirits Team pours out for months, weeks, days, minutes and seconds to get things organized. With this being the first ever pop-up camp, I watched in awe as novel situations presented themselves and the team effortlessly navigated the new waters. I wasn’t sure what to expect myself. I gave myself permission to be fully present and feel however I wanted minute by minute.

I jumped in to help with registration and camper check-in. I was nervous but than realized the gift I had been given. I was the person to welcome these other widows into a space we all desperately needed. Some greeted me with smiles while others could barely speak their name without starting to show signs of deep grief. I had the honor to greet them exactly as they were and hold them in their sadness. With the initial emotional release, space was made within them and I watched sadness give birth to a sign of relief and joy. I was the one greeting and comforting them on the outside but on the inside they were helping me acknowledge that my own feelings were mirrored in their tears and that my deepest fear of being alone was being replaced with beautiful community.

Campers were of all ages, types and at different places along their widowed journey. Those seasoned widows providing a look at a hopeful future. Those new to their journey (as little as 2 weeks before) arrived reminding all of us about our starts and the strength it took to take those first steps along our new normal. Everywhere I looked I saw inspiration, hope and felt deep gratitude.

The opening remarks from Soaring Spirits creator Michelle, was a call to community and an assurance that this space was safe for all. Talented interior designer Nate Berkus was the keynote speaker who, in a fantastic interview style, spoke openly about his widowed experience. For those of you who have been following this blog, you know that my partner Clayton was an interior designer. The book Tin was reading during his illness was written by Nate. Flipping through the book, Clayton had dog-eared the page where Nate describes the moments before losing Fernando. It was like Clayton knew the storm of emotional tragedy I would be caught up in and showed me someone else I could relate and look to for inspiration. I brought the book with me just in case I had an opportunity for Nate to sign it and it was taken to the Green Room. Part of me felt so nervous not having it in my hands but I new in order to continue to heal, I needed to trust. Seems a little funny now but in the moment I felt like I was letting go of a big part of who Clayton was and fearing it would be gone forever. That’s the part of widowhood where I’m realizing holding on to material possessions don’t validate that Tin existed. Book or no book, Clayton is in my memories and heart. There was a sense of relief to give that trust. After Nate’s talk, I had the honor of meeting him, sharing a little about my journey and sharing a deep moment of understanding that I never thought I would have from the man I saw on the book cover. I feel like I have gained a new friend who has written a beautiful message to Tin and I. How does one verbalize gratitude for that level of gifted connection?

The rest of the day I found myself surrounded by stories about loss, dedication and love. I heard my own story in the words of others and I felt like pieces of me I had lost were returning. From stories of other caregivers, LGBTQ individuals that felt discrimination on their journey to a group of 5 guys named Bryan (Brian) the magic connection moments were everywhere I turned. Being widowed is sometimes a haunting gift. We have a greater knowledge of our superpower – LOVE…

I cannot express enough that everyone should make the time and space to attend a Camp Widow event. I also cannot express the immense gratitude I have for all of Soaring Spirits and for all of you. We are each other’s wings…

 

 

 

 

Categories: Newly Widowed, Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy, Widowed Community, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous, Uncategorized

Bryan Martin

About Bryan Martin

In 2016 my life all started to fall into place. A new job as a Supervisor for animals at a small aquarium along the beautiful Florida gulf coast. It was a dream for Clayton and I to move to the beach, get settled and get married. In June of 2017 my father passed away after a long battle with opiods and alcohol. Four months later, Clayton was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with acute liver failure. Not having been able to truly mourn my father, I was faced with knowing that Clayton (Tin as my family calls him) would also be leaving me. I had dreams of marriage, vacations and a long life together. I watched all of those dreams fade away more and more each day as I cared for him until his final days. He passed away April 16, 2018 the day after my sister’s birthday.

Now I am through the fog of the first year and reality is setting in this second time around the sun. I’m very much alone in this sleepy beach town. I’m trying to just maintain balance with my new normal. I get depressed, angry, sad, jealous, confused and disoriented. Some days are better than others and I remind myself that it is normal. So many people think my life is back to normal and fulfilling because I work with dolphins and penguins but the magic left everything when Tin passed away. I have trouble feeling passion about most things that used to light my fire. I have feelings that oppose one another and it is exhausting. I want to feel happy for others but want to know why I can’t have what they have.

Along my journey, I have had tough days and some wonderful days but at the end of each day I still don't have the answer to my one question....Why?

TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON A BLOG, sign in to the comments section using your Facebook or Gmail accounts, or sign up for Disqus.

Primary Sidebar

Footer

Quick Links

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors

SSI Network

  • Soaring Spirits International
  • Camp Widow
  • Resilience Center
  • Widowed Village
  • Widowed Pen Pal Program
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

Contact Info

Soaring Spirits International
2828 Cochran St. #194
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 877-671-4071

Soaring Spirits International is a 501(c)3 Corporation EIN#: 38-3787893. Soaring Spirits International provides resources with no endorsement implied.

Copyright © 2021 Widow's Voice. All Rights Reserved.