This will be a short one, because Im in the middle of moving for the next 2 weeks, and sending my boyfriend away for 2 weeks (long story), and working a kagillion hours with all my real estate transactions to try and survive and pay bills and rent and still have SOME time in my life for the things I am very passionate about, such as helping widowed people – and, oh yeah, getting ready for two trips: one to Tampa, Florida, for Camp Widow, followed by a second one to NYC, to be the KeyNote Address Speaker in a Womens Expo on Long Island.
It’s 8am in the morning on a Friday, and Im already exhausted. I wake up exhausted.
And then I feel bad for whining about things like that, because so many people I know or family of people I know, are sick and/or dying with horrible illnesses, so who cares if Im exhausted from life and death and grief and having the honor of being a 48 yr old who feels like she’s 80? Suck it up, cupcake.
To get back to those two trips Im taking coming up, the earth feels shaky lately, and I dont like it.
This coronavirus – I wouldnt say that Im a panic about it, because Im not, but it does make me uneasy. All these trips coming up, being around so many people in large public places, part of me wants to just run away and hide and not go anywhere for awhile, just to be safe, and just so I dont have to deal with all the chaos that will be in place at the airports and on the roads and in peoples thoughts and actions. Dealing with my own chaos is more than enough stress, I dont think I can handle taking on the worlds too, as soon as I step out that door.
My local gym cancelled pool classes so they can clean the pool and make it safer and disinfect and all of that. Everywhere I go, there’s the Purell and the kleenex and some are wearing masks. I saw a woman the other day at the bank begin spraying her coins/change with some sort of mist, before picking it up with gloves on. Watching all of this, combined with the media and their constant coverage and fear-mongering – it makes me a little bit nutty. I know its a real thing and Im taking it seriously and all of that, of course. But seeing it 24/7 and hearing doom and gloom sensationalized, misinformed information coming from so many, is annoying and not helpful. Wash your hands. Be vigilent. Maybe dont travel internationally right now if you feel that is best, and please stay home if you are sick. Other than that, I feel no need to panic at this point. To be honest, and I hope Im not getting too political with this one statement about it, but our Presidents ill-informed statements and untruths about this virus are WAY more of a reason to panic, than the virus itself. The things he is saying are just ridiculous, untrue, and dangerous. He needs to say less, and listen more, to the medical experts.
In any case, Im just tired. And feeling uneasy about this pandemic. Anything unknown is scary, and combined with stress, makes me always miss the ease of my husband’s persona. The ease of him standing along the ocean, walking through the low tide. I miss him calming me and reassuring me, and informing me, and letting me know that everything is going to be okay. And what I really miss more than anything, is believing him.