Today’s – no – this week’s – topic is Love. As I sit and reflect on what to write about, as with last week, there seems to be lots of different topics. All interesting at some level, but not “enough” to make a blog post out of. So my next question is, “what connects them?” […]
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Open Arms
For me, my “grief work” is not so much about escaping grief (I know that is not possible); but, rather, it is about intentionally striving to reenter life. I am a Lover of Life. Each week I write to you, I am not writing about grief per sae. Nope. I am writing to you about LIFE. As a writer, I am encouraging you to live your best life. And, sure I know that it is easier said than done, but for me it is not optional because the alternative is far too bleak.
For three years, I steeped myself in my own grief. I became one with my grief; and, now, with nearly four years practice as Mike’s widow, I do not carry my grief in my arms anymore. My grief does not completely over take me any longer. My grief is still there, but it is not visible now. And, I assure you that this is big progress. I worked hard to get to this place.
Living in an Asteroid Field
I have so much fear of becoming widowed again. Some days, that fear is louder than others… like anticipating my own personal asteroid out there that is going to crash into me on some unknown date in the future, creating a private apocalypse all over again.
Beautiful Failures
A part of being widowed is that you are forced to remember all of the relationships that didn’t work out. That sting when your first crush doesn’t like you back. That feeling life is over forever when the big high school sweetheart breakup happens. College brought a whole new world. I was getting more and […]
Widow Wednesdays
So last week I wrote in here about dreams unrealized, and how I had to give up my dreams 9 years ago, or begin the process of giving up my dreams of acting, comedy, writing, entertaining etc – when my husband dropped dead suddenly, and I ended up having to leave my NYC life behind […]
731 Days
Two years ago today, the light of my life went out. It was the day that Suzanne left this earthly realm and became universal energy. Today is the second anniversary of her death and at this very moment, I’m hurting. A lot.
All Things Spiral~
I’ve always thought of grief as a spiral. Possibly because my daughter, Rachael-Grace was a hoop dancer for many years. The big kind of hoop, not the little hula hoop so many of us remember from our youth. Rachael-Grace used a hoop she made herself, and she taught herself how to dance within it, spinning […]
A Week’s Ramblings
Featured photo my own – Metro sign in Paris 17 August 2020 I could write about five or more different topics this morning. Or none. The five feel valid but somewhat anecdotal. A bit light. And yet they are not. Not a lot is light in my life. Which is okay. And there is lightness. […]
Our Third Wedding Anniversary…
When I think about our Wedding Anniversary I feel a bunch of nothing really. Where there should be joy and happiness there is just a huge void. Where there should be happy memories of “the best day ever”, there is nothing. I have nothing to recall because our Wedding day never came to be. So, I just sit with the nothingness that it is. The nothingness of our special day quietly blends into the nothingness that Mike has become. It is sad. Beyond sad really. It is tragic and it hurts. But, I will be “okay”. I have lived through this Anniversary date twice before.
Gazing Through Grief
So many things have triggered my grief. It all comes down to five senses. There are the predictable ones that stand out like catching the scent of his cologne lingering in the breeze from a man passing by or the lyrics of a song that strike the strings of my heart. The taste of his […]
Dreams that Die
Im not sure how popular it will be to say this and admit this, but I don’t really care. Popularity is the least of my concerns at this point in my life. Honesty is more important, and maybe someone else who has been through widowhood feels similar, and will relate or not feel bad enough […]
Love in Other’s Words~
I don’t have many words in me this evening, as I sit down to write this week’s blog. I do have a heart and mind filled with memories of the Love that Chuck and I shared for 24 years. A Love that sustained and energized me and made me feel passionate about life. Memories that […]