I try to stay pretty positive but I’m already furious at all of those people who are complaining they are going crazy being stuck at home with their spouses and their children. I understand how this weird situation can be on everyone but can they just manage one week of being inconvenienced before jumping on social media to post how difficult it is to be surrounded by family? Could they just think about what gifts they have been given? So many would love to have what you are starting to take for granted. Just shut up! Please just shut up!!
Some people would say to avoid social media right now but that is my main source of socialization since Tin passed. I have no family near and very few friends around. Those friends have families to tend too. So if I don’t have social media, I am unbelievably secluded and that’s really hard for a lifelong extrovert who loves to make people smile and laugh. I’ve lost more than Clayton. I’ve lost me and I’m trying to get back to me but life isn’t lining up.
I’m so angry and upset with the selfishness I’m seeing. Sorry I don’t feel bad that you have “forced time” with loved ones. There are people that have lost their family, children and/ or their spouse and would give anything to have them back. Most of all, don’t wish people away because you never know when they’ll be taken from you.
I’m always mindful of my emotions and keeping them in check. However, now I really want to lash out. The anniversary of losing Tin is right around the corner. Leaving my house to try and be social is all I know to keep from feeling unbelievably sad and now I’m stuck at home. I can’t get away from our apartment and it hurts. I was hoping to find a house to buy before my lease was up but this situation has stopped everything. I’m forced to sign my lease and renew another year in this constant reminder of empty space. He died on the anniversary of us moving in. Every page that needed my initials has April 16th scattered about like all the broken pieces of me I can’t seem to pick up.
I have an honest question to ask. I don’t ever want bad things to happen to people but are you ever so mad at people’s lack of realty that you just want something to scare the gratitude back into them? Is that crazy? Am I the only one that thinks that? Like the whole family is in their perfect car going down their perfect street to their perfect house when a giant deer runs across the road and barely misses them. Then they realize they aren’t invincible and that fairytales can be dangerous? That life can be difficult and scary? I mean really difficult. Not that social scare when little Timmy doesn’t get a trophy for participating and his life is over. I mean really hard tough life events. Yes I know I am in the season of widowed anger. I just have to weather this part of the storm.
This is the second blog I’ve written recently where Anger has been the leading character. I see that. I realize where I am in my processing. We all go through our stages of grief on our timeline but does anyone have any advice for dealing with the end of year 2, in the stage of anger, during a quarantined pandemic, for a guy who’s fairytale was just to have a family while everyone else is complaining that they have a family?
In these strange days, I’m trying really hard look for gratitude not grievance in this garbage…