Widow's Voice

The Years in Time~

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I write about Time frequently.

Quite often, in fact.

It’s a subject that has fascinated me since Chuck’s death

Because it is a word that means everything and nothing and everything that is between everything and nothing.

In 2009, in these months of April and May, Chuck and I sold our house and our belongings and joyfully set out on the open road together, driving our red Ford Escape.

We adventured over all the back roads and 2 lane and 4 lane highways of our country, hiking and climbing in State and National parks and celebrating our time with each other. God, we loved what we were doing!

In April 2010, Chuck and I were enthusiastically exploring New Orleans, indulging our love of history and drinking in the beauty of the French Quarter.

In April 2011, Chuck was recovering from one of many surgeries for the first cancer that attacked his system, so we were back and forth to NJ and Philly. He underwent massive radiation to slow the growth of the tumor on the inside of his left wrist, surgery to remove the tumor, and many reconstructive surgeries. In between each surgery we’d hit the road again, leaving it behind us til the next appointment.

April of 2012 we were in NJ again for another surgery.

In between all of this everything, Chuck and I traveled all the lower 48 states, met so many new friends along the way, and visited our kids and family.

By this time, 2013, he’d already been in the hospital in southern CA. We’d rented a tiny condo for a 3 month stay and knew it was time to rethink our traveling, due to all that he was dealing with health-wise. Once I took him to the hospital that day in late March, it was found that the cancer had returned.

Chuck died on April 21, 2013 and I set out on the road alone.

Honestly, if I were taxed to remember, I couldn’t really tell you where I’ve traveled in these years since his death. It’s been a bit of a blur. The only thing that really stands out is all the Love I’ve met along the way.

And now, currently, PinkMagic, my rig, is under wraps, sheltering in place, while we deal with the ‘rona. None of us have any idea what our world will look like once the virus spends itself.

What I do know, for certain, is that my Odyssey of Love will be even more necessary to a world that has been knocked on its’ butt, and I’ll get back out on the road and continue connecting with others, connecting people with each other, and living the legacy Chuck left behind.

Time doesn’t really have any meaning, other than what we assign to it.

It can be long, or short and stretch and create chaos and uncertainty. It can be forever and yesterday, depending where our heart is.

It has no power over the greatest power on earth, however, and I’ll keep shining the light of Love in the meanwhile.

Love is still, and always, the greatest force in the Universe~

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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