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Jeff Ziegler

So long and thanks for all the fish

Posted on: January 28, 2021 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

This is my last post here on the Widow’s Voice. I started writing this blog here one year ago, and now it’s time for me to pass the baton. Although I have sincerely enjoyed sharing all my thoughts and my journey with you, it is time to move forward. Others, who are in a different place than I am (and who are in need of sharing their thoughts and feelings with others) are waiting in the wings to write.

Instead of continuing to write about how I feel after losing Suzanne, I had started to share my healing adventure. This meant a new kind of catharsis. Alas, this became too much like “teaching” and not sharing. Which meant the focus of my posts was shifting; and they no longer served this community without being “self-promoting”. So this is my last…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions

Decluttering

Posted on: January 14, 2021 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

Today, I spent part of my day decluttering the kitchen and reorganizing my toolboxes. It was a bit cathartic. I threw a load of things out. And it got me thinking about how cluttered I have been feeling in my mind of late.

Clutter is a funny thing. We “collect” knickknacks, and we display them so everyone—especially us—can see them. From little magnets, we bought on that visit to Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco to the owl candle holders that came from someone who thought they were cute.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing

Am I Crazy?

Posted on: January 7, 2021 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

The process of dealing with my grief as it came in its rawest form was difficult to say the least. To overcome it – to move beyond that state of deepest grief – means we have to experience our grief. It means we have to experience all the emotions. And, experiencing so many emotions at the same time make us feel like we have lost control of ourselves. I know it did for me.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions

Resilience (Part 2) – Building Resilience

Posted on: December 31, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

In my last blog, I talked about what resilience means, and how I define the three kinds of resilience. In this instalment, let’s take a little time to learn about how we can start to build resilience. We can learn how resilience helps us to become stronger and more self-accepting of our faults and our mistakes.

Resilience is not simply being able to bounce back from setbacks, tragedies and injuries. It also includes being able to learn from the mistakes we make. It also helps us to accept the consequences of our mistakes with grace and self-love.  

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy

Resilience Part 1 (How to Strengthen Yours)

Posted on: December 17, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

I have been doing a lot of work on resilience lately. We have all been told that the concept of resilience refers to one’s ability to “bounce back” from adversity. Being resilient helps us to recover from setbacks relatively comfortably. It also allows us the grace to move forward through difficult situations in life.

While resilience comes naturally to some, anybody can train himself to become more resilient. Like any skill, resilience can be built with time and practice so that you can feel confident in your ability to face adversity and come through it.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy

Banana Bread

Posted on: December 10, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

Cooking was something I was always interested in doing. The first meal I ever cooked was a southern fried chicken dinner when I was around 11-years old. After that, I simply enjoyed cooking whenever the mood struck. I cooked regularly as a teen, then into my adulthood, I carried on.

Suzanne was an amazing cook—she was a true “foodie”. She loved to go to a restaurant and try something new. Then, as soon as the time was right, she would recreate the same meal at home. Her knack was getting the flavors almost identical to whatever we had eaten at the restaurant. It was a natural ability of hers that never ceased to amaze.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

A “Lakota Tradition” About Grieving

Posted on: December 3, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

“In the Lakota tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most waken, most holy.”

It is not an alien concept. In many religions and belief systems (Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc.), the bereaved are held in high regard and “revered” for a certain length of time, but what happens when that time is “over?”

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community

Thankful and Grateful

Posted on: November 26, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

It is my hope that one day, in the very-distant future, I will look back and see how far I have come and be proud of myself and my resilience. And when it comes time to close my eyes for the last time, I hope to be listening to music, because if all of my feelings of gratitude and positivity were to be encapsulated in one word, I think I would choose music.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Asking For Help

Posted on: November 12, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

Why can’t we ask for help?

Why are we—the collective we, men and women, widowed and non-widowed—so reticent to ask for help when we need it? I mean truly ask. I’m not talking about simply asking directions, either.

As humans, we are truly capable of being and doing anything. Literally. With exception of flying (although I’ve seen videos of people jumping off mountains wearing those amazingly cool flight suits, so even that may be possible), we can pretty much do anything we set our minds to do. But we “can’t” ask for help.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Two Questions

Posted on: November 5, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

For many of us, the idea of moving forward—of creating a new life—seems somewhat alien, I know. I think most of us feel this life has been thrust upon us, and we have no choice but to carry on. But I disagree. I think it is a mistake to think this way. I know that after maybe three or four months into my widowhood, I wanted to completely change my life and how I had previously lived. 

So now, I feel as though the sun has set on my old life; and I begin anew.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy

Focused Attention

Posted on: October 29, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

I have done a lot of work on myself over the last two years since Suzanne died. This morning, I had a revelation.

My attention has still been scattered. The revelation came when listening to a podcast about brain science. It dawned on me that I must apply my attention to what has become most important to me. This means placing it on activities and relationships that serve me—and not just what I “think” I need to place my attention and focus on.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community

Accepting Choices

Posted on: October 22, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff Ziegler

In the last two years, I have made some seriously life altering choices. Originally, I was going to call this post “Bad Decisions”… But “Accepting Choices” actually seems more appropriate.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

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