One of my favorite movies has always been Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. The (most recent) film begins with the disappearance of all dolphins from the earth’s oceans. As they fly off to some far away planet, they sing “So long and thanks for all the fish.”
This is my last post here on the Widow’s Voice. I started writing this blog here one year ago, and now it’s time for me to pass the baton.
Although I have sincerely enjoyed sharing all my thoughts and my journey with you, it is time to move forward. Others, who are in a different place than I am (and who are in need of sharing their thoughts and feelings with others) are waiting in the wings to write.
Why I Wrote For You
I wrote all these posts as catharsis and as guideposts for others. For me, it was easier to write about my “journey” and put down on paper the thoughts and feelings I have for Suzanne, for this life, for new partners, for new adventures.
Since September 2020, though, I have had a complete change of heart and outlook. After I completed a trek (that took me first to Kansas, then Colorado and up to Montana (to visit my daughter) and back through numerous states), I realized I am not on a “journey” since Suzi died.
To me, a journey has a starting point and an ending destination. Although the starting point was August 19, 2018, there is no destination point. There is no destination I am searching for.
No, I now realize my trek as a widower is actually an adventure. It is a gift. And that thinking shifted everything in me.
So, instead of continuing to write about how I feel after losing Suzanne, I started to share my healing adventure. This meant a new kind of catharsis. Alas, this became too much like “teaching” and not sharing. Which meant the focus of my posts was shifting; and they no longer served this community without being “self-promoting”. So this is my last…
My Role Now
As a blogger and coach who is also a widower, I have been able to offer a unique perspective on grief and healing (for both widows and widowers). I have always felt it important to share the tools and keys I used to rebuild my true self after this loss. It is important to share, especially given what I have personally experienced.
My healing adventure has cost me a great deal of money: in therapy, coaching, self-help books, courses, etc. If I could help others without them having to bear such a high cost, then I have served this community well.
In the time I took to heal, I have come to realize there have been three key methodologies that helped me most to move forward in this life. Now, I feel it is my obligation to share my knowledge about those methods. But this is not the forum.
That will take place now on my personal blog and in the programs I have created for others like us (like my 5-Day “Building Resilience” Mini-Course that I offer to widows and widowers 100% free).
Goodbye Hello
So, now I will say farewell to this community, and to you the readers that I have hoped to help in some way. It has been my pleasure to serve you in this capacity, and it is also my pleasure to introduce you to my successor in blogging, Gary Ravitz. Gary was widowed in 2020.
Here is Gary’s bio:
In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer.
In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist finally opined that my wife only had from two weeks to two months left to live, before turning on her heels and nearly sprinting from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary.
In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wonderous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week.
In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. Along the way, I might impart a bit more information about me.
So, this is not “goodbye” to the Widow’s Voice Community but “farewell.” I have deep faith in all of you. Faith in your healing and in your processing your loss and what life can be for you in future. I will continue to work tirelessly and fervently for this community; and if any of you want to reach out to me, then I share the link to my blog (www.awidowersway.com) and to my email for you to keep in touch (email: jeff<at>theinfiniteman.net).
Thank you all so much for reading. And thank you for listening…