Staci Sulin

About Staci Sulin

It is my privilege to write to you each week and I hope my blog inspires you to lean into your grief. This isn't easy, but it is the only way through this mess.

I believe that we are lead back towards life and living when we allow ourselves to be still, and sit in the "nothingness" where grief lives. Visiting this empty place is difficult, but it is necessary. This quiet place holds the blueprints of our new, alternate life.

I know you are scared to go to the edge of this place; admittedly, I was too. But, in order to reenter life, we have to take a leap of faith. With time, I gathered momentum and I took the leap - building my wings on the way down.

It has been nearly five years since Mike died and I realize that what I feared most about the future was not the obvious uncertainties; but, rather, the possibility of letting new beginnings and a good life to pass me by. I was afraid that I would settle into an ordinary life when I want an extraordinary life.

I worried that I would play small, when my potential is big. As I write to you each week I am challenging us both not to shrink. I am keeping us accountable. I do not want either of us to fall back into an easy comfortableness when we can leap forward, towards a bold life. I want you to manifest the best in yourself. Go on, begin to recreate a beautiful life for yourself.

From the Ledge with Wings in Hand,

Staci

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Beginnings Revisited

Posted on: January 24, 2022 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

I did not die.

And, neither did you.

I am still breathing.

And, so are you.

It’s that plain.

I can make his death as complicated as I want to, but really it is simple.

Mike died. I didn’t.

A Grief of My Own – 2022 Addendum

Posted on: January 16, 2022 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

I wrote the original blog in August of 2020 and a lot has changed in my life since then, but this blog is still so very relevant. I have added my current thoughts into the original piece to highlight how grief is not static. The process of grief is long. Much longer than I thought […]

Building My Wings on the Way Down Reflection

Posted on: January 3, 2022 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

I wrote this post in 2018 and included an addendum at the end for how things feel this year, in 2022. Ringing in the new year without you is something I never want to do. This year, or ever. No matter how much time passes, no matter how my life changes; and no matter where […]

Season of Hope

Posted on: December 20, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

Staci was not able to write this week so we are featuring a post originally written in 2020. Hope you enjoy! In my fifth year of widowhood, I am trying to focus on who I am becoming. I will not pretend that I am “okay” without him. I am not. However, I am not entirely […]

Dimes and Change

Posted on: December 6, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

Yesterday, the new man in my life was packing up our vehicles while I was tidying up and readying the house to leave. While he was outside, I went about gathering together an assortment of our things to place near the front door. As I was putting some of our belongings in the foyer I saw […]

Fly me to the Moon

Posted on: November 29, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

For years, I asked a lot of the moon. Every.single.night I stood outside and searched the night sky for traces of him. I stood and waited to feel him. I searched the night for him because I thought my heart would shatter from his absence. For the first years, many nights, I’d drop to my […]

Better

Posted on: November 22, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

It is now officially five years and seven days since Mike died. Huh. Wow. This seems like a long time, and it is. I have lived a lot of life since the day he died. Sometimes I don’t know how I got to where I am, but I did it; and you can too. We […]

Year Five… It is not what you think

Posted on: November 7, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

Mike’s 5th death date is November 15th, 2021. For the last four years, I have always had a heaviness in my heart when Fall came around because it meant the anniversary of the worst day of my life was looming. This year, I don’t feel dread about his death date. The truth is, I don’t feel anything really. This is not easy to admit because it makes me feel like a bad widow. It makes me feel like people will think I didn’t love him. And, worst of all it makes me wonder if I am less devoted to him than I thought I was.

I feel sad that I am not sad. All these new and uncomfortable thoughts make me feel out of sorts. I am wrestling with my emotions because I don’t feel heartbroken the way I have in years past; but, I am grateful because this is far less challenging to sort out than the raw grief I felt in other Novembers. As I approach my fifth year without him, I don’t feel an endless longing for him anymore. Instead, I feel a type of acceptance.

Falling into my Own Life…

Posted on: November 1, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

I wrote this one year ago. It is amazing how in a year so much can change in a person’s life. I will explain in an addendum that follows. ~S. I realize that I may always “fall” when the Fall season is before me. The first few years, when the leaves changed color I […]

Saved

Posted on: October 25, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

When you allow life to unfold, the right people come into your life at the right time.

Louder

Posted on: October 18, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

Grief has a timeline of it’s own. For me, my grief only receded into the background when I started to genuinely LIVE more. I often say that “My Grief got “softer” when my Life got louder”. This is the most accurate way I can describe the process.

Here

Posted on: October 11, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

Today, I am present in my life again. Once again, I am LIVING. Wow. Huh. I can’t believe that I got “here” – wherever this place is… When I first started writing my blogs I didn’t know if this day would ever come – and, finally, it has. I am actually living in the […]