I frequently remind myself of Christina Rasmussen’s words…
You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable.
Everything I’ve done since that April night of 2013 when Chuck took his last breath has been impossible and unimagineable and realizing that I can carry those two things opened my world up to creating a life I never thought I could live in the moments after his death, or in the years that followed. Up til now, honestly.
None of this is what I consider a gift, just to be clear. And, if it is a gift from the great beyond, then the great beyond needs to work on gift giving skills, thank you very much.
I’m not wiser or more compassionate than I was before Chuck’s death. I was both of those before he died. I was also empathetic and I knew how to live in the moment. I didn’t take his Love…our Love…for granted. I’d already suffered numerous deaths in my life, worked in hospice…I had my shit together.
What Chuck’s death did do is strip me down to my bones and DNA. In the midst of the destruction of all that I’d known, all that I knew to do was hold on tightly to the Love that I knew he’d left behind for me. It was the only thing in the world that felt real to me, other than the abject pain and grief.
His Love is still the only thing I know to be real, these 6+ years later. The only thing that I trust as a known entity.
That Love got me back on the road 3 weeks after he died.
That Love steered me to purchasing a tiny trailer even though I didn’t have a clue how to tow it or how to camp or navigate my way around the country. 
That Love ensured that I kept my heart open to whatever experiences happened to me on the road.
That Love led me to working at an opera camp for 3 years, as a groundskeeper, for god sake. Something I’d also never done. 
That Love gave me the courage to contact Michele and ask about writing for Soaring Spirits, even though I’d never written for anything other my own satisfaction.
Chuck’s left behind Love allowed me to show vulnerability to those I met along the way, enabling me to create a community of support and encouragement.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you that Love is anything but the most powerful force in the Universe.
It is the only reason I’m still standing.
Still driving my Odyssey of Love.
Knowing nothing about anything, really.
Just trusting that Love will lead me to wherever I need to be.
Love, and Love alone. 
My compass now, as it was when he was alive.
Nothin’ but Love.
