We in the Midwest are blessed to experience the Four Seasons, even if summer is too short, winter lasts about twice as long as it ought to, and spring is a rumor that most years shows up belatedly and lasts but a few short days. As I am jotting today’s entry, it’s currently about 33 […]
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The Intimacy of Grief~
In the early years of this widowed life, it was as if a meat slicer lived inside my chest, right around my heart. The chopping sensation was a 24 hour thing and it affected my breathing. Somewhere in the 3rd year I sought out counseling and went through some EMDR sessions, along with bi-lateral brain […]
Breaking Bad
Main image by Denis Oliveira on Unsplash Anyone who reads these blogposts and/or asks me how I am doing and waits for the pause while I run my eyes over their face, their ears over their voice, my brain’s interpretation system over their written words to assess for “checking in” or “real interest”, (and assuming […]
Having All Your Birthdays in One Day – take 5
It is Mike’s 65th birthday today. On March 22nd, I will always “celebrate” him. There will never be a birthday of his that I don’t think tenderly of him. On his birthday I purposefully choose to remember the way he lived. I celebrate the life and love we shared together. This is how I try […]
Bachelor of Grief
I never wanted to apply and enroll here at Widowed University. I’ve always been opened to learning more in life but I never wanted this education. Like I said last week, the build up to Clayton’s death day is one of the hardest times of the year for me. Two years last April I got […]
Tribute
Lee had great empathy and was incredibly kind. From personal observations and long experience, I came to appreciate her unfailingly pleasant demeanor, but I did not fully appreciate the positive effects that her powerful combination of empathy and kindness had had upon others until word had spread that she was gravely ill. Then an unsolicited […]
Love Onscreen~
It’s habit with many in the widowed community to talk to their dead people. To write to them on the regular. I admire this. I really do. I’m envious, honestly. In these 7 years since Chuck’s death I haven’t been able to write to him, or talk to him. There’s just a block of some […]
Crumpling Face Like No Other
Images of Geraldine Chaplin taken from “The Crown” on Netflix I continue to watch “The Crown”, at the rate of one or two episodes a week. I started in January and perhaps I will have finished all four series by the end of April if curfews stay in place. Every so often after an episode […]
The Right Move…
…when I move, I will concentrate on raising up the new me. It is cool. It is not lost on me that the roles are reversed. This time, it is me, not my children, who will “grow up” and into myself in the new house. It is my turn to focus on my own identity and sense of well being. It is my time to become the person I am meant to be.
The darkness.
There are not many places where you can be open about the “dark” part of grief and widowhood. Not just that you miss the person or that you are lonely, but the trauma of it. The details of it. But, I think it is important that we talk about it, if only so that others […]
Grief Gifts
One month away from the third anniversary of Clayton’s passing and some moments it feels like it was just yesterday. Each year has had its challenges and this year I’ve lost our cat Stallone. I’ve written before that it’s the build up to certain dates that’s worse then the actual days themselves. Each season has […]
Slowly Back to Life
There was a feeling in my heart last night as I watched President Biden giving his first address to the nation, on the one-year mark of COVID-19 being titled a worldwide pandemic – Hope. I felt hope. And a very slow climb back into living life again. Both of my parents got their first vaccinations […]