Once upon a time… A man stole my heart Right out of my chest. It’s ok that he stole it, Because he gave me his in return. He held my heart so carefully with his two hands. This man, dressed in the uniform of the US Air Force, Pledged to Love me, cherish me, honor […]
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Alchemising Impermanence
Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash Sometime around the age of 5, children learn that things and people die. Of course, some very young kids learn this earlier, through the tragedy of a close human death in their immediate entourage – be it the death of a sibling, parent or grandparent. But for the most […]
Sometimes it hits you in the middle of Target.
Grief can be so predictable at times. Birthdays, anniversaries, visiting a special place, milestones, or reading an old card–I can prepare for those. I know those will be tough. Sometimes more than I expected and sometimes less. But, grief has a way of sneaking up on me at times and in places where I did […]
The Grief Tour
This week, my week before widowed, I took a trip off the main path of my journey and doubled back to the places I saw you last. My head said “yes” but my heart said “no don’t go”. It’s been 1,098 days since I could actually touch you, hear you and see you in person. […]
April Snow
Today is April 16th. It is spring. Last weekend my husband and I were out rowing a boat on the lake and it was almost 80 degrees and gorgeous outside. There were butterflies and birds and deer and ducks and the humans were out on the water and spring and hope were in the air […]
My Recipe. I Don’t Have One~
As I approach the 8 year mark, That will always be 7 years for me, Because how can I bear to count further the years you are missing from me? I have no secret recipe, no sweet story of how I got from there… April 21, 2013 to here… April 21, 2021. If someone were […]
My Partner is Widowed – so what does that mean for our relationship?
Image by Sarah Treanor, fellow widbud, on www.streanor.com My name is Neil, aka “Medjool”. As of June 2019, I have been fortunate enough to have entered the life and heart of Emma, who keeps this blogsite. Emma lost her husband, Mike, almost 4 years ago. She lost their youngest daughter, Julia, to grief-related suicide, 21 […]
15 More Sleeps…
Fifteen more sleeps in this house of mine and then I have the rest of my life somewhere else.
Why, God?
I have been attending a weekly virtual community through my church for the past few months. This week I shared that I have been thinking a lot about spirituality and religion and how it is so intertwined with death. I am taking a class called Death, Dying, & Loss in my Ph.D. program, which has […]
My Grief Ghost Visits the Week Before Widowed
I knew he was fading away faster and faster. I knew that Tin’s last day was soon but you don’t know until you know. We fit in frozen yogurt, going out to dinner, the beach and visiting the aquarium just one last time. I didn’t know it was the list of lasts. I didn’t know […]
Perspective by the Lake
So this week was my husband Nick’s 58th birthday. Because we havent really been out anywhere in so long because of the pandemic, I decided to book us a weekend getaway that is very covid-safe and socially distant. Through Airbnb, I booked us 2 nights at a lakefront cottage with private dock, and even comes […]
My Why, Why, Why~
Raise your hand if you’ve been asked why you still talk about your dead person. Raise your other hand if you’ve been judged as hanging on. Stand up if you’ve been asked how long will this grief continue? Now stand on the nearest chair and balance really well. This chair is your soapbox. You don’t […]