When this blog publishes I will have two weeks and one day left in my house of fourteen years. Wow, actioning my plan to move and packing up the house is a pretty big deal.  I am proud of myself for following through with my desire for change; and, I am very relieved to be moving away from here.

In truth, it sort of surprises me that I lack any type of sadness about moving.  I thought I’d maybe feel some anxiety, but I really don’t.  It is time for me to make a move.  If you have followed my writing over the last few years you will know how much I have felt strangled by suburbia.  Living here in this town where Mike and I were planning our lives together as newlyweds has been terrible for me.

I have felt the urge to run from here since he died; but, I stayed because my children needed the stability of a familiar place.  While living here, I have leaned into my grief, but all the while I have felt unsettled and restless in this environment. For almost 4.5 years, I have existed in the shadows of our old life.  I do not belong here anymore; and, selling my house and subsequently feeling nothing but relief has confirmed to me that it is long past due that I leave this town.  I have made the right move – literally.

Since I sold the house, I have been very busy sorting and selling my things.  What few household belongings I kept I have lovingly put into moving boxes; and, I anticipate that when I unpack my belongings I will rid myself of even more things.  It has been incredibly freeing for me to sell and give away many of the material things I have acquired over the years.  This stuff feels incredibly heavy to me.  And, in a very real sense, it weighs me down, so this is why it is so thrilling for me to part with my stuff.

Nearly all of my worldly possessions are almost meaningless to me.  I sincerely don’t want things anymore and I do not see this changing any time soon.  I have come to know what is really valuable and I assure you that it is not things I put into drawers or hang on my walls or in my closet.  Sure, I know that I will buy things in the future, but I also know that I will think long and hard before I replace the things I have sold.

I value people, not things.  And, I cherish my memories more than anything I can purchase or sell.  Mike dying and me moving has reinforced that I need very little to live.  At the end of the day, all I need is love; and, love can’t be bought or put into a moving box.  Love goes where I go.  Love is easy to pack because I carry it with me in my heart.

Fifteen more sleeps in this house of mine and then I have the rest of my life somewhere else.

 

~ Staci