Today is April 16th. It is spring. Last weekend my husband and I were out rowing a boat on the lake and it was almost 80 degrees and gorgeous outside. There were butterflies and birds and deer and ducks and the humans were out on the water and spring and hope were in the air all over.
This morning, I woke up to 4 inches of snow and ice on my car, and it was barely 25 degrees. The wind was whipping around, my toes and fingers were frozen as I tried to scrape all the nasty snow and frozen slush off my car, and winter seemed to be saying: “You aint rid of me yet!” I had already put all of my “winter things” away, because thats what we do here in New England – you put away your mittens and gloves and boots and ice-scrapers and shovels and rock salt and scarves and hats and things, and you prepare for springs arrival and say goodbye to winter. Only sometimes, out of the blue, winter decides to return right in the middle of spring, and you are not prepared.
Its just another reminder to me that we cant always prepare for things in life, even though we are often under the illusion that we can. And yes, we can sometimes plan for things and it all works out and we are better off for it because we planned. But then sometimes, it randomly snows in April, and all you can do is go hunt for your shovel and your boots that you thought you were done with for the year.
Im not really sure what my point is, other than the obvious one where I make a brilliant metaphore about April snowstorms being like sudden death – there really is no way to prepare. Obviously one is a lot more serious than the other, but as I was scrambling around early this morning to get to work and get the avalanche off my frozen car, I was reminded of the stress and hurried-ness and chaos of “that morning” when my husband was randomly dead, but I didnt know that yet, and I was scrambling around trying to get a cab to the hospital because they called me and told me to get there right away because they “had my husband.” Anytime I feel rushed or even slightly panicked or when things dont go as planned these days, I am taken back to that morning and that feeling of not knowing whats going on and scrambling around to do the next thing and being afraid to stop moving because you dont want to know whats next. Sudden death stays with you like that – the trauma of it all. The shock to the system. The snowstorm, smack in the middle of springtime, turning your April into madness and reminding you that Mother Nature can do whatever she wants, and so can death and grief.
We are all just along for the ride.
