There was a feeling in my heart last night as I watched President Biden giving his first address to the nation, on the one-year mark of COVID-19 being titled a worldwide pandemic –

Hope. I felt hope. And a very slow climb back into living life again. Both of my parents got their first vaccinations yesterday, and since both of them had covid, it makes me happy and so relieved to know they will be safer from getting re-exposed. My husband, who is a Veteran and therefore was in the first category of people to receive the vaccine, got his 2nd shot yesterday as well. Hopefully in the next few weeks, I will be getting mine, and then we can SLOWLY start resuming some sort of life again. Simple things, like being able to hug my niece and nephew, have lunch with friends, maybe down the line concerts and sporting events will come back into play, too. My cousin is getting married in June, and even though his wedding is only 45minutes away from where we live, I will be SO excited to be in a room with a small group of people and just be able to DANCE!!! Im sure masking up will still be a thing, and the group gatherings will be small, and all of that is fine. We are slowly building up to getting our lives back , after this virus stole them away.

It reminds me of those days and months where I was desperately trying to climb my way out of the dark hole of grief. The feelings are similar to that in a lot of ways. However, the huge difference for me is that with life during a pandemic, I am very eager to move forward our of this covid bubble and into participating in LIFE again, in all the ways I love. When I lost Don to sudden death, it wasnt like that. When that grief fog started to lift and I was left with the horrific reality of my new life, I didnt want any part of it. I didnt want to participate. All I could see was pain. How on earth was I supposed to just keep on living when I didnt have my person, when I didnt know where to go or what to do or what it all meant anymore. Eventually, I kept listening and paying attention to the hearts an voices of other widowed people, and I tried to follow their lead and find some sort of new purpose for my life. The ironic thing is that connecting with widowed people IS a big part of my new purpose now. The thing that brings me closest to feeling ALIVE, is, oddly, talking about death.

Im not sure what life after Covid will provide, but I know that having lived through it and having experienced what we all have over the past year – it has changed us. HOW it has changed us will remain to be seen, both as a nation and as individuals. Right now, though, I am quite enjoying this calming feeling of renewed spirit that seems to attach itself to spring. Every year around this time, I am sick of winter, and very grateful to just be outside. This year, however, my gratitude for days outside without masks, hugging people I love, and holding celebrations again – is magnified by ten thousand. When it comes to being able to once again live the pieces of my life, I am endlessly thankful, and I look forward with wonder.