This past week, Sarah and I marked our five-year anniversary as two widows, together in a relationship. Meeting at Camp Widow in 2015, we found ourselves just simply “connected” somehow…so much so that we were actually asked if we were siblings at one point that weekend. But, this isn’t a story of how we met, or even of the five years…
widowhood and wedding anniversaries
Semiversary
I wish I could have sat down to write this morning and repeated my often-stated sentiment that I don’t have anything to write about…and that’s OK. I had hoped that today, of all days, is something that doesn’t affect me as much any more, because “time” and all. Even if I thought about Megan more today, it wouldn’t throw my day off…
Paradox
Anniversaries are, in general, a prompt for looking back. They’re an annual reminder to be reminded of the past. While oftentimes, an anniversary is also a milestone, it still remains that, simply put, an anniversary measures the passage of time. They don’t really MEAN anything to widows. Our person is neither more, nor less dead on…
Being Dead Is Not A Happy Anniversary
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. It would have been 12 years of lovely marriage. Instead, we got 4 years and 9 months. But who’s counting? And does it even really matter anymore? I mean, I think that no matter how many years it’s been since the last anniversary, this day will always hit me like a bag of bricks across the heart. I just…
The Silent Missing
Oh, the sadness of October. My wedding anniversary. Followed by our honeymoon anniversary, just days later, and then Don’s birthday, just days into that. October 27th we married. In 2006. Its toward the end of the month, and its true what they say. The build-up to these milestone days, is often worse than the actual day itself. …
3 Year Non-Anniversary
Yesterday, July 25, is the third anniversary of our wedding without him. That’s three more anniversaries than I celebrated with him. We didn’t get to celebrate a single one. I try to imagine what we might be doing on our third anniversary but it’s hard to both predict and recall something that never once happened. Would we be going out for…
Can I Really Do This
I’m writing this from an airplane, somewhere over the Indian Ocean, as I’m on my way to Bali to spend a week at a beautiful yoga and healing retreat. It’s a funny story actually… this whole trip only got planned on Tuesday. Yes, as in four days ago. It came about through a range of unusual circumstances and has really had me thinking about…
Less than a decade, more than a lifetime.
It’s always been a hard reality for me to swallow that I never got a full decade with Jeremy. Something about that round number made me feel even more like I got robbed. I started dating Jeremy shortly after I turned 20. He died when I was 28 – I never got to celebrate turning 20 or 30 with him. Just inside a decade.A few weeks ago, Jeremy and I…
Not Enough
Since my husband’s suicide in July 2010, I have struggled with feeling likeI was not enough. I was not enough to keep my husband alive. I have felt that if I was a better friend, a better wife, a better support system, my husband would still be alive.Realizing that sometimes love is NOT enough.. is devastating. What happened to all…
Today would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.
Fourteen years ago, I awoke in my childhood bedroom … well got up anyway … I was too excited to sleep much. My bridesmaid, my Mum and I quickly ate breakfast and took ourselves down to the salon for ‘hair and makeup’. We emerged hours later, coiffed and painted, but still recognisable. Everyone ate lunch … not me … I couldn’t eat for the…
A Day That Will Live ….
(I wrote this post on my blog Saturday night/Sunday morning. Saturday, the 28th, would have been our 28th wedding anniversary.) ….in infamy. Or at least in history. Our history. Son #2 graduated tonight. He did it. In spite of …. so much. He. Did. It. On this day. This once very happy day.This day that used to stand for love, commitment,…
Introducing Chris and Maggie
Like everyone else who shares the title “widower” or “widow”, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t kick sleeping dogs or twist baby toes to make them cry. I can’t imagine what I did that pissed off the devil (or God) to get me to this place but here I am. Here you are. I’m not going anywhere so I might as well be polite and introduce us…