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Rebecca Collins

My Goodbye Post

Posted on: July 30, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I found Soaring Spirits the day after my husband died from depression.  I googled the term ‘suicide widow’ – reeling from shock that these strange words were now something I needed to make sense of. One of the links that I clicked contained the heart-felt words from a young widow named Melinda who had also lost her darling husband Sean to…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

The Third Year

Posted on: July 23, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

Tomorrow is my husband’s third anniversary. And, like so much of this third year, the lead up has felt very different to the previous two. So much so, in fact, that it started to scare me as I’ve been wondering if something is wrong with me, or if I’d slipped back into some kind of state of shock.  Even now, I’m struggling to find the words to…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

Thankful for the Progress

Posted on: July 16, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

It was my birthday yesterday.  My third since Dan died. Next Sunday will be his third anniversary.  This period from our wedding anniversary five weeks ago to his death anniversary is my hardest time of the year.  This birthday felt a bit different.  My last two were very difficult, over-shadowed by the looming death anniversary and full of…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Birthdays, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

An Unwritten Chapter

Posted on: July 9, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

Sometimes I take for granted how much Dan’s death affected me psychologically. I coast along, feeling like I’m doing ok and am happy, healthy and in control. Until, like a booby trap, something blows up and the trust issues, abandonment issues and general fear of getting close to people or losing control detonate and wreak havoc in my mind. I…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and New Love, Widowed by Suicide

Breathing In and Breathing Out

Posted on: July 2, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I’m batting jet-lag to write my blog today, so I apologise in advance for any typos (or any more than usual!) and if I ramble on a bit. I got home to Brisbane, Australia on a red-eye flight from the USA this morning, after three weeks away.  It was a wonderful holiday, with the highlight being Camp Widow West in San Diego, however I reeeeeally…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed by Suicide

Missing Two Worlds – But Going Back to One

Posted on: June 25, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I’m writing this from an AirBNB apartment in the heart of New York City, a loooong way from my home in Brisbane, Australia.   I flew out here for a holiday with a good friend (and fellow widow) after attending Camp Widow in San Diego last weekend, and we’ve been having a wonderful time. This was my third Camp Widow and while Kelly Lynn spoke about…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed by Suicide

Still Healing, Still Growing

Posted on: June 18, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I’m sorry for the late post, I’m at Camp Widow in San Diego this weekend and while I usually post by 5pm Saturday when I’m in Australian but I forget that with the time difference here in the US, my deadline is midnight Friday! It’s been a very different Camp Widow experience for me so far.  For the first time, I’m here with four of my Aussie…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed by Suicide

Strange New World

Posted on: June 11, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

Thursday was my third wedding anniversary.  This one felt slightly different to the previous two, however it was still as sad.  The night before, I stayed at my boyfriend’s place and when we went to bed it all caught up with me. I couldn’t believe that this time three years ago I was spending the night with my bridesmaids, getting ready to…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed by Suicide

A New Beginning

Posted on: June 4, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I’m at a strange and new phase in my grief.  My third wedding anniversary is looming on Thursday (all of which I’ve had to mark without Dan, because he died before we had the chance to celebrate one together). This is a time that is usually difficult and emotional.  However… my whole compass for what is ‘normal’ in this world without him has…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed by Suicide

The Family I Never Knew I Needed

Posted on: May 28, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I spent last weekend in Melbourne with about a dozen very dear friends.  These women have only been in my life for a couple of years now, however it feels like I’ve known them my whole life. They see my soul, in its most bare and vulnerable state, a way that people who have known my most of my life will never understand.   These are my widow…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed by Suicide

Taking Another Step Forward

Posted on: May 14, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

I’m exhausted. I’ve been packing, cleaning, sorting and lugging boxes all day, actually no – for weeks now.  My bones ache, my feet are sore and I’m typing this through bleary eyes.   On Monday morning, two guys in a van will be pulling into the driveway of my big family home, filling it with all my precious possession and moving me into my new…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Milestones, Widowed by Suicide

Not Selfish

Posted on: May 7, 2016 | Posted by: Rebecca Collins

Last night I was telling someone about Dan.  I spoke candidly about my widow journey since his death, and in particular, how his suicide had impacted on me.  It’s nearly been two years and ten months since his death and when I remember back to that first year in particular (as well as the second) it can feel like a lifetime ago while also being…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed by Suicide

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