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Olivia Arnold

Growth, Change, and New Opportunities

Posted on: January 3, 2019 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

A lot of people use the start of a new year as a time for reflection and resolutions. However, since being widowed I feel like what people do on new year’s day is what I do constantly; I am always reflecting, reevaluating and adjusting to make changes. I haven’t felt like I can go through my life like I once did – just doing things because…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing

Where Are You?

Posted on: December 20, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

I often think I have come to accept that Mike is gone. For quite a while my conscious mind and unconscious mind had not synced and often confused if he was here, just gone for a bit but coming back, or gone completely. It hadn’t processed on all levels. That’s not the case now. I don’t forget that he’s dead anymore. I don’t have to have…

Categories: Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One

My Crooked Christmas Tree

Posted on: December 13, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

Last weekend I went with David to pick out a Christmas tree for my house. It’s something I’ve been doing since living where I live – first with Mike, then with family and now this year with David. There is a Christmas tree farm 5 minutes down the rode from me and I love the tradition and having a fresh tree. We walked around the Christmas tree…

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays

Are you dead or just busy?

Posted on: November 22, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

I remember last year sitting in a small group discussion at Camp Widow Toronto discussing how there can be triggers that connect directly or indirectly to your loss that make you scared and panic for your current life, namely your other loved ones. Then how these triggers and events make you act out of character. Someone mentioned seeing ambulances…

Categories: Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed Suddenly

Holiday Anxiety

Posted on: November 15, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

The Christmas holidays are still quite a while away but I’ve been thinking and worrying about it since September so it feels like it’s been around for quite a while now. What precisely I’m anxious about has changed each year since Mike died but it has brought emotions and stress each time. The first Christmas without Mike I just didn’t want…

Categories: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays

Resting Sad Face

Posted on: November 1, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

There’s this term that is frequently used called “resting bitch face.” It describes someone whose neutral or resting face looks like they are annoyed or mad.   I don’t have that. What I have is resting sad face. I don’t know when it started. Presumably sometime after Mike died since he (or anyone else) had never mentioned it to me…

Categories: Uncategorized

A Good Day

Posted on: October 18, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

There was a day last week where I had a really good day. I woke up early and walked Tango before work. I was able to leave to get there early and there was not much traffic either. I had so much extra time in the morning that I was to finish my personal work for the course I’m taking before anything else. I made applesauce with the kids at school…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

Widow at Weddings

Posted on: October 11, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

I’ve attended three weddings this year. I’ve heard of many widows who hate or avoid going to weddings but I don’t really feel that way. That’s not a new development for me; I attended 3 of my best friends’ weddings (within my self-set boundaries) and was a bridesmaid in my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding in the three to six months…

Categories: Widowed and New Love, Miscellaneous

Kids Talking About Death

Posted on: October 4, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

Last week my school took part in the Terry Fox Walk. I’m not sure how much everyone knows about Terry Fox but in a way oversimplified summary he was a young Canadian, who lost his leg to cancer in the 1980s. He had an artificial leg and set a goal to run across Canada to raise money for cancer research. He died before he could finish his…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions

Blurred Lines

Posted on: September 27, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

Grief is hard. There is no denying that. There are things that are so obviously associated with grieving that I know will be difficult: anniversaries, birthdays, things that remind me of Mike and the list can go on. When those moments happen (or are soon going to happen) and I feel upset or angry or sad I can clearly attribute it to grief. It…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

Our Wedding Song Playing

Posted on: September 20, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

Our wedding song playing. Someone else playing our wedding song as part of their shared memory of a completely different circumstance. My boyfriend’s family’s memory of our wedding song as part of their memory of his parents’ 30 year wedding anniversary. Sitting in my boyfriend’s parents’ living room with his whole family watching his…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

The End of Motorcycle Season!

Posted on: September 13, 2018 | Posted by: Olivia Arnold

If you’ve read my post from my personal blog from last year around this time you would know that I don’t like Fall. It’s my least favourite season. There is however a very redeeming quality for me at this time of year: the end of motorcycle season in Canada! I don’t know if I’ve ever fully mentioned it (it’s not what I want to focus on)…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

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