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Richard Cox

Checking Out

Posted on: October 27, 2014 | Posted by: Richard Cox

I have known for a while I suffer from widow brain. Can’t find my keys, barely remember what day it is or what my name is. I have looked for my car keys for twenty minutes only to find they were in my hand.. the whole time. I have to set reminders in my phone from things like taking my sleeping pill to grab my lunch out of the fridge before…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

Suicide Widow

Posted on: January 9, 2014 | Posted by: Richard Cox

I am filling in for Amanda today. The current heat wave has knocked out her power! Amanda stay cool (get it?!) and I will try to stay warm!   Recently I have had a lot of suicide widows reach out to me on Widow’s Voice and facebook. “I have no one to talk to, I have no one that gets it. I can’t talk about the suicide to my friends or…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed by Suicide

“And Then..” Part 2

Posted on: December 1, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

  Well friends… my time has come.   I am retiring from widow’s voice.   Today is my last blog.   I’ve been thinking about quitting for a couple of months now. I couldn’t figure out why I wanted to quit something that has always brought me such relief and peace.  While talking to a friend about not writing anymore, he said “The…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed by Suicide

Happy Birthday Seth

Posted on: November 24, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

Today is my husband’s birthday. He would have been 35 years old.   This day has been creeping up on me since Halloween.   I found myself having to count backwards to remember just how old my husband would have been.   When I realized he would have been 35 I laughed. I laughed because he would have been “old”.   I was thinking about what…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Birthdays, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Stigma

Posted on: November 17, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

This week I had an eye opening conversation.   I was talking with a co-worker and Seth’s death came up.   She asked me how I am doing with it all and I could only come up with “It sucks. It hurts really bad. It really really sucks.”   She then said “Melinda, I just don’t get it. You are such an amazing person. Seth’s suicide makes no…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Saying Goodbye.. Again

Posted on: November 10, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my dog being diagnosed with cancer (I wrote about it here) Tuesday, the day after my birthday I had to kill put my best friend to sleep. I am in shock. I am devastated. Three weeks after his diagnoses he went from being fine to not eating and his eyes rolling back in his head. Nine years and one day after my…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide, Multiple Losses

Being kicked

Posted on: October 20, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

I’ve been struggling with my dog, Clifford. He had a shoulder injury that seemed to be getting better thanks to the vet and pain medication.   Monday I got up at 3:30am to go to work and I couldn’t find Clifford. After searching the house, I found him sitting in the bathtub just staring at the wall. Not laying down, just staring. He wouldn’t even…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed by Suicide, Multiple Losses, Miscellaneous

Survivor’s Guilt

Posted on: October 13, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

A couple of weeks ago I traveled to California to spend time with my best friend.   On one of the days I was there we went to tour a winery.   The winery was so beautiful. Of course the wine was amazing. The day was filled with love and laughter.   On the drive back to our hotel I was looking out the window.. taking in the beauty around me.  …

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed by Suicide

Silver Lining

Posted on: September 29, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

I made the mistake of going through mine and Seth’s old emails.   He was in school full time. I worked a desk job. So we both sat in front of a computer all day.. and emailed each other during slow times.   I have a million emails between us.   Which can be a good thing and a bad thing.   I came a crossed an email that reminded me of right…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed by Suicide

Insomnia

Posted on: September 22, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

Ugh. Insomnia. We have been enemies friends for six very long years.   I have tried sleeping pills. I have tried everything natural. I’ve tried having a normal routine. I’ve tried to not let myself lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for longer than 30 minutes before I get up and read, take a hot shower, attempt something to help me sleep.  …

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

Selfish

Posted on: September 15, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

I’ve been meaning to write this blog.. but I have been processing it.   A couple of weeks ago, I went on a date (gasps).   During the course of dinner, the topic of how my husband died came up.   My date started talking about how selfish suicide is and how I live in the past by “celebrating” my husband’s death every year.   I sat…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and New Love, Widowed by Suicide

Facing my Fear

Posted on: September 8, 2013 | Posted by: Richard Cox

I suffer from fear.   A lot of it I think is normal for what I’ve been through.   Fear of being alone for the rest of my days. Fear of having my heart broken. Fear of falling in love and having him die. Fear that something terrible will happen to someone I love and I’ll have to start this grief process all over again. Fear that I am getting…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed by Suicide, Miscellaneous

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