Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about it. Scared that when the day came, it would make it more true. For the first few months, holidays, birthdays I felt like it was a short enough time…
unmarried widow
6 Years. 6 Centuries~
This Sunday it will be 6 years since Chuck died. Just writing that number leaves me breathless, and not in a good way. Jesus. How can it be 6 years? Though it might as well be 6 centuries. That’s how it feels. So, my thoughts on this fractured time as they meander through my mind…I spent last weekend with our older son and his family, which…
Numbers and Changing Lives~
Chuck and I sold our home in NJ in May 2009 to go out on the road and travel our country together. No more rat race for us. Just time together. We had just shy of 4 years on the road together. He died April 21, 2013. 11:21 pm is when he took his last breath. In so many ways, I did too. Take my last breath, I mean. My breathing hasn’t been the…
The Changing of the Guards
I did it. Maybe I didn’t outwardly realize I was doing it but I did it. I ignored the rising flood.For the past week I have made myself more and more busy. I have extended myself to help others beyond the norm. I have taken on more responsibility. It all seemed fine and balanced. Late to bed and early to rise with something pressing to think…
When Their Truth Hits
I’ve had very few visitors since Tin passed away. I don’t know if the reason is avoidance, being unsure of how I’ll be with guests or just that life goes on and we become too busy for the little things. Approaching the first anniversary of Tin’s passing, as the warmer month’s and spring break approaches, I’m starting to get the calls…
Widowing and Renaisance Faires
My motto, since Chuck died, is push your boundaries. Stretch your comfort zones. Go where you’ve never gone before. It hasn’t been difficult to do this, honestly. Chuck died in southern CA, in our 4th year on the road. I had no home to return to; we’d sold it, and our belongings, years before, to go adventuring. So I was already well accustomed to…
Wanted: Aspiring Assistant Manager
Eleven months and from the outside I have everything together but on the inside I still am an unorganized man just trying to make it day by day. There are dishes in the sink since Tuesday. I haven’t vacuumed in a week and my dog hasn’t had nearly enough of my attention.The rush of responsibility in the week leaves little time to think and I’m…
The Sting of Spring
As the first anniversary of Tin’s passing ebbs closer, I find myself at the gate to the last season of the firsts. I’ve made it through the summer days at the beach, cookouts and fireworks. I’ve made it through the changing leaves, crisp fall air and a Thanksgiving I wasn’t very thankful to experience. I’ve made it through everyone else…
A Piercing Perspective
How many of us had dreamed of being super heroes when we were younger? Pulled between imagining magic powers and wishing we were older so we could do whatever we want and “oh how perfect life would be”. It’s true when they say to be careful what you wish for…Well growing older and being an adult has turned out to be much different than what…
A Hallmark Heartbreak Kind of Holiday
My birthday was hard. Thanksgiving was hard. Christmas and New Years were both hard. Yet it is the “Hallmark Holiday” that seems to burn more than build the wave of sadness.Every Valentine’s Day growing up, I wrote out cards and put them in classmates construction paper mailboxes but only for the girls. Life is different now and kids can like…
Sticks and Stones
Sticks and stones…They were wrong, words do hurt…. Today I went to pay bills and my computer needed to be restarted. It had erased a password to sign in and pay the water bill. I knew I had it written down somewhere but, of course, my life has been tuned upside-down for the past 10 months and things are not organized like they should be.
Home is where the heart is
It’s taken me months and months to bring up the courage to go to dinner with a friend. Sounds crazy but she was Clayton’s favorite coworker and he is all we have in common. I knew it hit her hard when he passed and I knew she would want to talk about it. I guess that is just another layer of widowhood that others don’t understand – We want…