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military widowed

Fantasy, but…oh…Love~

January 29, 2020 by Alison Miller 2 Comments

Quite early on in this widowed life, as I went out on the road and realized that I didn’t recognize myself or my life in any way since the night of April 21… I remember thinking to myself…though it was more in the way of torturing myself…with the thought… What if Chuck were to come back to life? Would he recognize me? How could he possibly…

Filed Under: Widowed Memories, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: memories, Long Term Illness, Travel, widowed by cancer, military widowed

The Universe, Wherever I Am~

January 22, 2020 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

I spent last weekend, starting on Thursday, at a rally for people who own [email protected] trailers, as I do. My little rig has been my home on the road in the years since Chuck’s death. It’s tiny in every way, but still has a surprising amount of room inside of it, for me and for storage. I’m 5’1 and it gives me a little bit of clearance over my head. I can…

Filed Under: Widowed Memories, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: Long Term Illness, milestones, Travel, Widowed Lonliness, widowed by cancer, military widowed, memories

I Thought of You~

January 15, 2020 by Alison Miller 2 Comments

I thought of you last night. One night among all the thousands of nights that have passed since your hand last grasped mine, As we lay next to each other in the dark. I thought of your breath  Your arms braced As you raised yourself above me, The passion in your eyes A mere reflection of mine. Our bodies sweaty and slick As we moved this way and…

Filed Under: Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: sadness, Widowed Lonliness, widowed by cancer, military widowed, memories, Long Term Illness

Current State…Confusion~

January 8, 2020 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

I’ve reached a major point along this widowhood road. Arrived, so to speak. At least, in my mind, I have. I’m in the state of Confusion. And I’m kind of okay with it, in the midst of nothing being okay any longer. I’m not fighting any emotion that comes my way. Good, bad, indifferent and everything in between.I picture myself, at times, as one of…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: anxiety, Travel, widowed by cancer, military widowed, Long Term Illness

My Time in a Bottle~

January 1, 2020 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

This is the eve of what the world celebrates as New Year’s. But, since Time has ceased to hold any meaning for me since Chuck’s death, I’ve taken it upon myself to designate my New Year as beginning on April 21; the anniversary of Chuck’s death. That’s the time when I reflect on whatever needs reflecting upon. It’s when I do a self-check, and it’s…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Widowed Community, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: milestones, Travel, widowed by cancer, military widowed, Long Term Illness, widowed community

Sublime and Surreal~

December 18, 2019 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

My brain and body…both are too tired to string together too many sentences. I say too tired, but it isn’t from tiredness really, as much as it is a whole lot of stimulation in the past few days.  My mom used to say that stress happens with good and bad things both. That our body feels it as stress whatever it is. This has been good stress in the…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: milestones, Travel, widowed by cancer, military widowed, Long Term Illness

And So it Begins~

December 11, 2019 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

I’ve been sewing and gluing all day long. Tomorrow will be more of the same. On Thursday I’ll run last minute errands and then hitch my rig, PinkMagic, to my pink car. Very early Friday morning I’ll meet my film team and we’ll head first to Sedona AZ and then Zion Nat’l Park in Utah. The time has come, as the walrus said…This weekend my team and…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: widowed by cancer, military widowed, Long Term Illness, milestones, Travel

Raise Your Hand~

November 27, 2019 by Alison Miller 2 Comments

I thought about reposting my WV blog from 2015 for this week. Because I pretty much feel the same way, regarding the holidays. Except worse. As a 6 1/2 year veteran of this wid life, I kind of hate owning up to how difficult this all is for me still. I don’t want to scare those of you who are just stepping out onto the road. But I also feel the…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: milestones, anxiety, Travel, sadness, military widowed, Long Term Illness

Not What you Think~

November 20, 2019 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

I wish I could post the meme here that had me snorting water through my nose I laughed so hard. Alas! I keep getting an error note, so I’ll have to describe it and you envision it for yourself, okay? The meme was 3 shrouded in black figures, riding one of the old timey merry go rounds. The kind made of metal, and you’d hang on desperately as…

Filed Under: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Community, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: friends, widowed community, camp widow, Travel, widowed by cancer, military widowed

Word Confusion~

November 13, 2019 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

We each define this widowed walk for ourselves, of course. The grief we carry is as individual as a thumb print, we’re told. Which makes sense, of course. For myself, I’ve never used the word lost to describe this grief. Being lost implies to me that I have a destination in mind. An end point. And I don’t.My words to describe this have been…

Filed Under: Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: widowed by cancer, military widowed, Long Term Illness

What Now?…

November 6, 2019 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

This blog is a question for the Universe, I suppose. Because I don’t believe that there is a human alive, who has gone through this widowed life, who would have a ready answer for me. I’ve stood in the middle of nowhere and cast my eyes up into azure blue skies… I’ve stood outside on the darkest of dark nights with no light pollution around and…

Filed Under: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: anxiety, Travel, Widowed Lonliness, widowed by cancer, military widowed, Long Term Illness, family, friends

Ghostly Conversations~

October 23, 2019 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

Your blue eyes are entrancing… You say to me. I love casting my blue eyes across a room and catching your green-eyed glance. You are the Love of my life, Sunshine… You write to me on a card tucked into the flowers you gift me. I shine so brightly for you. You are always in my heart and I love you with all that I am… Your words on a card from…

Filed Under: Widowed Memories, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: widowed by cancer, military widowed, memories

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