It’s been an epic week. No other way to say it. Since my boyfriend is out of town for two weeks I took the opportunity to get ahead of the possibility that I may lose this house and do a massive purge. So for three days I sweated and lifted and sorted and threw away and arranged in my carport for a garage sale. That part was really, really…
anniversary
Our Day
What would have been Megan’s 35th birthday was a few weeks ago, on July 24th. I would venture to say that, for most widows and widowers, birthdays are one of the hardest days to remember. They are associated with memories of fun times, friends and family celebrating that person’s day, and yet another year “in the books”. To have that…
The Third Year
Tomorrow is my husband’s third anniversary. And, like so much of this third year, the lead up has felt very different to the previous two. So much so, in fact, that it started to scare me as I’ve been wondering if something is wrong with me, or if I’d slipped back into some kind of state of shock. Even now, I’m struggling to find the words to…
1000 days
Dear Dan, This week we reached another milestone, albeit not exactly a traditional one. On Tuesday, it had been 1000 days since I kissed you goodbye. The reason I know this is because I put a ‘countdown’ ap on my phone after you died, so I’d always know how many months, weeks or days since you’d been gone. Isn’t that a strange thing to want to…
A Year in Review
Thursday marks one year since Megan’s death. It amazes me how hard that is to think about. It is just another day for the rest of the world, but for me, it is bringing heightened emotions, and random relapses into heavy grief. As much as I sat and thought about what I wanted to write today, I couldn’t put together a clear line of…
Still Learning about Him
A dear friend of mine marked the third anniversary of her husband’s sudden death yesterday. This morning when she shared how the day had been, I was delighted and relieved to hear that she was able to find some joy amongst her sadness. She had decided to gather together with her husband’s friends for a dinner to celebrate his life. They’d…
Decade
Thursday, August 6th, would have been Megan and I’s 10th wedding anniversary. A full decade. When I sit quietly to reflect on this, I suppose it would be a fitting end to the gauntlet I’ve been running the past few weeks. After a few months of relatively no significant milestones; her birthday, a trip to Myrtle Beach to spread her ashes,…
Any Other Day
Any other day, I would have opened my eyes at 6:00 A.M., sleepily rubbed my eyes, and shifted my way to the edge of the bed. I would have woken Shelby up, as always, and gone about the mindless morning routine of feeding the dogs, making coffee, watching the news, and determining what clothes I would be wearing to work. Today isn’t any other…
Second Year Milestones… and Counting
This coming Friday will be the second anniversary of my husband’s suicide. Two years. I can’t believe I made it this far. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve kissed his sweet face and felt his hand in mine. I can’t believe a whole 24 months of my life has passed since that day I lost my innocence and saw first-hand that the…
Third Time Round
I’m into year four…Sunday marked the third anniversary of Ian’s passing. And like all other anniversaries so far this year, it wasn’t too bad. There was some sadness which I didn’t have with the other significant dates, but it wasn’t overwhelming, and was shared with friends of ours from church. I had no anxiety which I’ve had with…
From Three Years
This weekend marks three years since that terrible day. Three years since I lost my best friend and the love of my life. Suddenly. Without warning. I have also now lived the same amount of time without him as I shared with him… and going forward will mean increasing that gap. I remember dreading this day constantly through the first year. I…
Colors of Love
I’m writing this the night before celebrating my third anniversary without Drew. By the time you read it, I will likely be somewhere in the middle of the day itself. I don’t have to tell any of you how surreal it feels to be here – celebrating our three years together after three years without him. It has a different kind of sadness…